Passing of the Patriarchs

 My son used this phrase in 2019. But it echoes in my mind tonight. The older I get, of course, the more people I know die. It is the way of life. King David understood this when he said, "I go the way of my fathers." I get it.

This last year four different men of God who were influences on my life passed away. 

First there was Bro. Ron. I hadn't seen him in years. He was the one who first taught Jim and I about spiritual warfare. His teaching helped set Jim and I free from a lot of bondage and give us good wisdom to raise our kids free from so many things that hindered us. I have fond memories of Bro. Ron portraying Jesus for my VBS class and his laughter was contagious. And such a smile. 

In August it was Dad Scott. There is not enough room to write what he all meant to me. He had been at the brink of death so many times. But I couldn't bear to go see him or talk to him on that final night. We shared such a deep love for his son Jim as well as for our Savior Jesus Christ. He was one of my main go-to guys about things of God next to my preacher. He prayed for his son's future wife before we even knew each other. Through his encouragement and prayer, I went to church and got saved. He was at our wedding. And he walked me down the isle to Jim's casket on the night of the viewing. He was with me when we received the initial police report and his prayers held me up those first days, weeks, and months. He told my sons about their dad and prayed for them also. He was one of the most longsuffering men I know and humble to boot. 

Then there was my brother-in-Christ Mahlon. His smile reminded me of my grandpa. He had such a spirit of joy and love. It just oozed out of him. He had this amazing way to connect with young people. My kids loved him. He had a coach's heart. He gave them gloves and a bat. He taught them about ball and life. He was another cheerleader to me. Always complimenting me as a mom. And joking around. But we also talked often about Heaven. He longed to hug his dad who had passed away when he was 12. 

Most recently I learned Bro. Anger had passed away. We hadn't seen him in years. But he too reminded me of my grandpa. He was tough and faith-filled man. Bold as a lion and courageous. Traveling the world, preaching to people, encouraging missions all while he was over the age of 70. He could be blunt and challenging. He challenged me to be tough on my boys and raise them to be men. "5 star soldiers." To do the uncomfortable. To eat strange foods. To view missions with fresh eyes. He was fearless in the face of the enemy. 

This four men have influence my life for Christ in many ways. They have entered into their eternal rest and will be rewarded for their faithfulness to Christ. Their presence is missed in this darkened world. And I remember the wise words of a fellow griever: "Be what you miss most about the one you love."

Song "Lord, I'm Thankful"

"Lord, I'm Thankful"

 Lately I've been through some testing and trials,

Felt like a detour that went on for miles.

But standing here now looking back I can say,
Lord I'm thankful.

Some storms I thought I would never survive
But here I am feeling so strong and alive.
The darkness is passed and the morning is bright,
And I'm thankful!

Lord, I'm thankful like David after Goliath
Like Paul and Silas after the jail,
I'm thankful like Daniel after the lions,
Lord I'm thankful.

Thankful like Noah back on dry ground;
Thankful like Lazarus finally unwound.
E-ve-ry beat of my heart wants to pound,
I'm thankful, Lord I'm thankful

I've battled giants of failure and fear,
Shadows of doubt where my hope was unclear.
But along, Lord, You were drawing me near
And I'm thankful

All the sins of my past were a thundering roar
That echoed the guilt that I could not ignore
But it's nailed to a cross and I hear it no more
And I'm thankful!! 

Lord, I'm thankful like David after Goliath
Like Paul and Silas after the jail,
I'm thankful like Daniel after the lions,
Lord I'm thankful.

Thankful like Noah back on dry ground;
Thankful like Lazarus finally unwound.
E-ve-ry beat of my heart wants to pound,
I'm thankful, Lord I'm thankful

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Joel Lindsey

A Timely Card & a Meal

Never underestimate what God can do with a card. 

And if He prompts you to send a meal to someone, do it!

Last week was a crazy week. I was recovering from being sick. 

School work was piled up. 

We were all knocking heads. 

Then in the mail that day came a sympathy card from our homeschool group. 

It had been mailed Monday & had arrived on a day we were missing our homeschool friends. Their love, support, & prayer was an encouragement to my grieving soul. 

Then Snipp brought home supper a homeschool friend had sent with him. What a wonderful blessing! We had worked hard on school all day & I had been delayed in making supper. Just so wonderful how the Lord took care of our needs. That same friend had shared how she was specifically praying for us. What a huge blessing! We got all caught up on school & we didn't knock heads at all! 

So when God prompts your heart, dear friends, reach out.

Pray, send a card or a text, make a meal and deliver it. 

You have no idea what discouragement and battles a friend might be dealing with. 

He Maketh Me to Lie Down

 We all know Psalm 23. 

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

My Jim used to say, "Sometimes He maketh us lie down on the couch or in a hospital bed." We don't see these things as "green pastures" but our Good Shepherd knows what we need. He knows the nourishment our souls are needing. Sometimes when we like to stay busy to not think about somethings, He allows us to get sick and makes us hibernate alone in our rooms. He gets a lot of one-on-one with us then. 

There has been a lot for me to process lately. Dad Scott going to heaven. Him being united with my Jim again and many others. Thoughts of heaven. Craziness of our world. The lost yet to reach. The return of Christ nearing. Seeing many family members at funeral and family gathering. Homeschooling while grieving. Just a lot. Then I woke up with an awful earache a week after the funeral. Then sinus infection hit. I was down for the count for several days. 

The Lord maketh me lie down. My time with Him was sweet. Restful. Needed. 

Keep Praying

Dad Scott's last words to me, were like a final charge to me. Two words were repeated & pierced my heart,

"...Keep praying..."

To me personally it was a charge like Dad was saying:

"Don't quit believing.

Don't quit on people.

Don't rule out what God can do.

Remember who you are and why you are here.

Pray, intercessor, pray.

Pray and pray some more.

Keep praying."

Then in the last couple days the Lord has revealed to me people & situations where GOD is answering prayers.In unique ways. It reminds me He is listening and He is at work! Never stop believing and be ready to be amazed. Keep praying!

The Empty Chair

The grieving family all sat in a row. We stretched the whole length of it. Except one. The chair next to me was eerily empty. For over 14 years I have had to deal with empty chairs. But this seemed extra empty. Probably because I was at my late husband's father's funeral. The fact they have hugged each other and are reunity is a joy. But one I can not part take in yet. Another connect to my Jim is no longer here. And at times it makes him feel so far away.

The Internet will help you with anything. I used it to calculated it out the days. I have been a widow 5,325 days!!! That is having to deal with a whole lot of empty chairs. I have learned how to survive and even thrive, but tears still come some times. And this was one of them. 

I wrapped my hand around a small rock and squeezed hard. I texted a friend an "!". I breathed. I prayed. I listened to others sing. I laughed at the funny things said. I shed more tears. And I said "amen" to every word spoken I heartily agreed with. I went through the whole service. I survived. 

Then I stood up and with the rest of the family and followed the casket of my amazing God-loving, God-fearing father-in-law. I thanked God for his impact on my life. 

The cemetery was beautiful. The wind blew through the trees and reminded me of the day God spoke to me, came running after me. God is in this place. My neice stood in front of me. I crossed my arms acrossed her. She leaned into me. A reminder the the next generation that needs cheerleaders and prayer warriors. We sang. We left. 

Later, I came back alone. The dirt was leveled out. The wind still blew. God is still in this place. I placed my flowers on top of Dad Scott's grave. No tears. Just peace. 

Butterflies & Hummingbirds

Like I usually do, I walked out to my Jim's grave before we left. I do this before we leave on trips. Today is unique. We are going to bury Jim's dad. 

As I bent down and rubbed my hand across the praying hands on top of the bench, I closed my eyes. I thanked God for keeping Dad Scott here long after my Jim was gone. For waiting till my oldest was almost 20 and the other boys were in high school. I thanked God for Dad's example of enduring faith and trust in the Lord. 

I looked at the details of Jim's memorial stone bench. I rubbed my hands across the praying hands again and closed my eyes. It comes. The feeling like my Jim is very close to me. Like he is standing behind me inside my personal radar, but not close enough to touch. I do not believe in ghost or the dead coming to visit. I do believe that Jim is with the Lord. He is in Christ. And I know how tender & near the Lord is to those who are grieving. So it makes sense to me to feel Jim close. 

I open my eyes. The feeling fades. I close them again & feel him near. Makes sense. Everything we see is temporal. What we cannot see is eternal. I feel surrounded by God's grace. Wrapped up like with a soft blanket from the dryer. 

Tjen it is time to walk away from the grave. A butterfly flitts across my path. I turn to watch it. It circles around to a tree and is met by a hummingbird. They do a strange dance in flight for a few seconds. Then the hummingbird flies away and the butterflies lands in the tree. What a precious moment to observe!

Finally Home

 

Words from Don Wyrtzen's song "Finally Home":

But just think of stepping on shore 

and finding it Heaven,

Of touching a hand, 

and finding it God's;

Of breathing new air 

and finding it celestial;

Of waking up in Glory...

and finding it Home.

Homeschooling

 I took a break from blogging in June and July. Now that we have started our homeschool year, it is time for me to get back to blogging.

Due to COVID-19 and the craziness that comes with it, homeschooling is a popular word these days. I have had several people ask me about homeschooling, and several people have mentioned they are interested or would like to, but.... and then I hear various reasons on why they can't or wouldn't do it well.

I try to listen and give encouragement. I share things that have helped me and my family. But it ultimately comes down to what you believe. 

Someone once shared with me that homeschooling has been likened to becoming a missionary or going into the military. There is a deep heartfelt cause behind the decision. Many people decide to homeschool for many different reasons. 

Homeschooling for us just naturally followed homebirthing my sons. In the early days after their father's death, homeschooling help us survive, heal, and then thrive. It gave security in a world that had been shattered. The journey has not been easy, but it has been worth it. All the sacrifices, sweat, and tears have been worth it. God faithfully gave grace, wisdom, and strength as needed. One son graduated a year ago and both of his brothers are highschoolers. As I look back, there are many reasons we began homeschooling and many other reasons that we stuck with it. 

Some of the core reasons we homeschool:

• My children are my responsibility. Their education is my responsibility. I take it seriously. I know my children; where they excel and where they struggle. God gave them to me. I am not perfect, but I love my sons and want what is best for them. And homeschooling is best for us. 
• Our faith is at the center of our life. Almighty God is not to be put in a box just for Sundays. He is very much alive and active in our world, in science, and in history. His presence needs to be acknowledged and revealed in my sons' education. A personal relationship with Him is essential and our academics nurtures this relationship. 
• Family is important. We are family. Time together, working, learning, worshiping, having fun is important. I gave birth to them at home because birth is a natural process. Sometimes it turns into a medical procedure, but it doesn't start as a medical procedure. Learning is the same thing. Learning is a natural process. Children crave to know about the world around them, to find out the how's and why's, and then share that with others. Sharing it all with family creates bonds that are powerful. 
• We enjoy our freedoms. I choose to homeschool because we can exercise our freedoms more freely. We are free from bullying, active shooters, censorship on what we write and say. We can pray outloud and read our Bibles unhindered. We have freedom in our schedule when a relative is in the hospital or a neighbor needs help with a fallen tree. We have freedom to sleep in the morning after a busy evening or double up days to finish the school week early. A student has freedom to spend two hours on a subject of interest or take a hour long break wrenching on a motor in the garage. 
• It provides great student-to-teacher ratio. My students get plenty of one-on-one attention. I might not have all the resources as public schools do. But I have a mother's deep love for my sons and can work one-on-one with them. We can slow down on difficult concepts or test out of concepts previously mastered. I am the same teacher they had last year and the year before. I know where they are independent and need to stay that way. I know where they can stretch and be more independent. I also know where they need the extra help, for now. 

I have always been thankful we homeschool. There are many hills and valleys on this homeschooling journey. But I am thankful for the freedom to homeschool and that God has allowed me to do so. 

This past spring when the pandemic and fear swept across our nation, we just kept on plugging away on our school year. We pressed on and finished early so the boys could all rock pick for area farmers. Like usual I looked over curriculum, prayed, and ordered the next year's materials. And we started the 1st Monday in August like usual. In all the unsureness around us, our home has stayed steady, an anchor in stormy seas. 

I have always been thankful we homeschooled. 

But in 2020 I have been the most thankful ever. 

Interceding for & Mentoring the Grieving

"We walk backwards in time, remember & feel it all again.  But we put on our muck boots and wade through it to help another up & journey with them awhile. Just seeing that we are still breathing & we made it so long gives hope. A hope that makes breathing a lil easier for others."

Birthday Flowers

Every year without fail, God gives me flowers for my birthday.

I would take these over a dozen roses any day!!!

The Lord Knows

Isaiah 46:10 "Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times the things that are not yet done, saying, My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure:"

God knows the end from the beginning.

Back in February Snurr was struggling with his dad's death again. Every so often he wrestles with God about it. My heart ached for him. A few weeks later our pastor gave us the 40 Day Challenge. We took that challenge and Snurr in particular made a long prayer list. About halfway through the challenge, our state got hit by COVID-19. We went from being at church whenever it was open to just watching church on YouTube.

Our church is not a building or a social club. We are a family. The guy time my sons get with their brothers-in-Christ in our church is very important. For my social bug Snurr,  guy time is something he can never get enough of. A bottomless cup.  I particularly prayed for him during this no church time, especially as February had been rough for him. But the Lord, the Everlasting Father knows.

Our state allowed groups of 10 to meet. Our pastor meet weekly with nine men of the church. (My oldest Snipp was one of these). Several weeks in some of the men couldn't all make a meeting & my pastor asked my young teenage boys to come. What a blessing for them! The guy time, the Bible study, the prayertime. All was very needed.

But I didn't realize something until I was sharing with a friend recently.

The son who was needing guy time the most was given the 40 day challenge before God allowed the men in his life to be greatly distanced from him. Snurr drew closer to God before he would need Him for the time apart from his brothers-in-Christ. And when the 40 days was over, Snurr has kept up his morning and evening times with God. It has become precious to him. 

What a blessing!

The Lord knows what we need before we know we have the need. What a caring Lord!

Remembered

The younger boys and I headed to the store. It was time for the vehicle's oil change. We have stepped into that store many times in the last 14 years. But memories hit me everytime. Jim in his white shirt and me showing him a positive pregnancy test. Jim in his grey shirt, manger of the store, but squatted down to talk to our son. Jim with his characteristic beard and twinkling eyes when he smiled. Memories, so many memories...

One of Jim's old coworkers was working. He is the last of the crew. The only one there who knows my husband used be the manager. He started about the same time Jim & Ben did over 20 yrs ago. 

He helped us get what we needed. As we checked out, he casually flipped open his wallet and scanned his employee discount card. I said, "Thank you!" He simply said, "I remember."

Jim's old crew used to all use their discount cards for us as a way to help us out & also honor Jim. It deeply touched my heart. Fourteen years have passed & someone else remembers Jim. He is not forgotten. 

God's voice echoes in my heart. "I remember." The Lord remembers me too. He knows about every tear and hardship and fear. Every cry He hears. He knows me. I am not forgotten. Ever. Not even for a minute. My Lord remembers me. 

Isaiah 49:15-16a

Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands;

My Duty During a Plague

With the spread of COVID-19, my mind goes to plagues I have read about in the Bible. There are several and I encourage you, dear reader, to study them out. For the sake of time, I want to just focus on three; the plagues upon Egypt, the plague after Korah was dealt with, and the plague after King David numbered the people. 

The Plagues upon Egypt
If my memory serves me right, the book of Exodus points out that the Israelites experience the first three plagues along with the Egyptians. There is no distinction that Israel didn't suffer the water turned to blood, the frogs, and lice plagues. God does clearly state that Israel did not suffer the 4th plague and those that followed. So why? Why did Israel have to endure those 1st three plagues? I know that the plagues attacked the false gods the Egyptians worshiped. Had Israel after living there 400 years fallen into worshipping these false gods too and the LORD was correcting His people? Or was it just life. The LORD makes it rain on the just and the unjust the Bible says. 

As a Christian, I need to examine my heart. Have I been worshiping false gods? Maybe not directly, but indirectly. What have I been putting before God?  He is a jealous God. 2 Chronicles 7:13-14 says "If I shut up heaven that there be no rain, or if I command the locusts to devour the land, or if I send pestilence among my people; If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." Notice it was God's people who were admonished to humble themselves and turn from their wicked ways. It is a good thing for us Christians, so named called after Christ, to humble ourselves, look within our hearts, and turn away from our wicked ways. So one of my duties during a plague is to examine my life for sinful ways and then stop continuing in them. 

The Plague of Numbers 16: When Israel murmured after Korah was dealt with (14,700 souls died)
The people disagreed with how God had handled the situation with Korah and their anger was turned against Moses and Aaron. God's wrath is kindled. Moses instructs Aaron to quickly take a censure with fire from the altar and put on incense. Then to quickly go stand among the people making atonement for them. Aaron obeys and runs to the people. He stands between the living and the dead and the plague is stayed. Incense is often a symbol of prayer. Interestingly, Moses and Aaron had both been on their faces before God about the people who were seeking them harm. They pleaded for the lives of these stiff-necked and rebellious people many times. Our own country and world is not innocent; sin and rebellion to God is rampant. It is my duty during a plague to passionately intercede for the people, to pray and seek God on their behalf. 

The Plague of 1 Chronicles 21:When King David numbered the people (70,000 souls died)
A census wasn't the sin, it was King David's pride and selfish motives behind it. Interesting to me is that the LORD let him pick his consequence: three years famine, 3 months destroyed by their enemies, or three days of the sword of the LORD in the land. David chooses the sword of the LORD which is a pestilence. David said "...let me fall now into the hand of the Lord; for very great are his mercies.." Oh, yes, the LORD is very merciful. Exodus 34:6-7 tells us "And the Lord passed by before him, and proclaimed, The Lord, The Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin..." Lamentations 3:22-23 "It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." King David very well knew the mercy of God, and so he would prefer a plague used as an instrument of God over falling into the hands of his enemy. Another interesting fact in this passage is King David and another man named Ornan see the angel of the LORD with his sword drawn stretched over the city of Jerusalem. What a fearful sight! Yet King David had hope in the LORD's mercy. He saw the plague as more merciful than the other choices and trusted in the LORD's mercy upon his kingdom. It is my duty during a plague to remember God's mercy and hope in His mercy. 

As it is with scripture there are many truths we can glean from these passages and many ways to apply them to our lives. But I see my duty during a plague is to examine my own heart and turn away from any sins I know of, to passionately intercede for others, and to remember and hope in God's mercy. 

Chronicles 7:14 says "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." 

Look Out the Window

A couple years ago our pastor gave us an amazing analogy that has been seared into my mind. He said to close our eyes and imagine ourselves in a room with God. We have peace within, all our needs are met, and we have complete access to God. Everything is good.

After awhile we notice God standing and looking out the window. It is too high for us to see out. So we ask God to pick us up and let us see what He is looking at. As He does just that, we see a sea of people as far as the eyes can see. A huge mass of people. "Who are they?" we ask. "People My Son died for. Lost ones. Someone needs to leave the room and go to them."

"The door is open. You can come back anytime you need to."

I sat riveted in the pew and looked at the picture. The undistinguished faces became a relative, a teenager I know, the man at the gas station, and others. Pastor preached on, but my mind was stuck on that picture. 

There was one person that stood out. I felt like the Lord would have me focus on that one. In the sea of people, there was at least one person hoping for someone to tell them the truth, to show them the way, to lead them to Christ.

Am I willing to surrender my comfort and go for that one?

I imagined myself leaving the comfort of the room and walking out the door into uncertainty. Once in the masses the sense of the enemy was thick. The undistinguished faces become real people with real things hindering them from seeing God for Who He is and sadly, they don't seek Him. Most people aren't desiring to hear what I have to share. Hearts are hard, cold, apathetic. Doors slam in my face and angry voices are raised. Yet I trudge on. 

My God's Son died for all these. Compassion rises within me. Somewhere there is that one I saw from the window. The one hoping for someone to tell them the truth, to show them the way, to lead them to Christ.

*In this day of social distancing, this picture is mindboggling. But the reality is there is a greater pandemic out there. Unbelief in Jesus Christ as Lord. The Bible is clear that the unbelieving die in their sins. And they never experience the amazing relationship they could have with Christ.

Child of God, there are many ways to creatively reach out to others, to share truth, to lead others to Christ. Be wise, but still be busy for Christ. There is a sea of people around you, even if it is only through technology, that need Christ. 

Infection of Fear

Fear has been sweeping across the world faster than COVID-19. It is natural. But, believer in Christ, we are not to operate in our natural man, in the flesh. We, the church, are a called out assembly. We are called to be different in how we respond to trials. We are only to fear God alone. That fear is one of reverance and acknowledgement that Almighty is a just and holy God. 

But we fear many, many other things instead. What we fear becomes our master. Let the mind overthink long enough and the fear will overwhelm us. I liken fear to a dog nipping at our heels. We need to kick at it, to keep it back. Sometimes it will pounce and latch on to us. We must shake it off. 

How?

What is this fear? 

I see fear as unbelief and forgetfulness. Fear comes when we doubt our Lord. Fear pounces when we forget all that the Lord has brought us through and all that He promises us. Fear comes when we hesitate to trust. 

God's Holy Word says perfect love casts out fear. If we accept God's perfect complete love for us, fear flees. When we remember He loves us more than we will ever understand, fear flees. 

What is the antidote for fear? Trust.

Psalm 56:3 says "What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee." 

So when fears starts nipping at my heels, I remind myself to trust. With all the COVID-19 info in my face, I needed to put God's Word in my face. So I have been doing a word study on the word TRUST. I have been finding verses with the word trust in them and writing them down. And when fear nips, I go back and read them. Sometimes silently and sometimes outloud. I pray them. 

COVID-19 is real and we need to be wise. But my God is bigger and though fear may pounce, I choose to trust in Him. 

I encourage you, dear reader, to do the same. Look up verses on trust. Then share them with friends, family, coworkers, and strangers. For everyone is fighting some kind of fear. We can do our part to fight back against this infection of fear. 

Mark 11:22

And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have faith in God.

The Soldier's Psalm

He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

² I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

³ Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

⁴ He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.

⁵ Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

⁶ Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

⁷ A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.

⁸ Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.

⁹ Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;

¹⁰ There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.

¹¹ For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.

¹² They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.

¹³ Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.

¹⁴ Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.

¹⁵ He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.

¹⁶ With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

Christ With Me...Christ In Me

Uzzah: Be More Mindful

In 2 Samuel 6, I was reading about Uzzah. David was bringing the ark of the covenant back to Jerusalem. They had it being carried on a cart. It got tipsy. Uzzah touched the ark to steady it and was instantly killed. Whoa! 

What happened? God had specific instructions on how the ark was to be carried and they were not being followed. There was also specific instructions on who was allowed to touch the ark. I did a little research on Uzzah and something really stood put to me. 

The ark had been in his father's house for 20 years! 
The Philistines had taken it, had some negative consequences for it, and had sent it back to the Israelites. The ark of the covenant stayed in the home of Abinadab. For 20 years I Samuel 7:1-2 tells us. Eleazar was in charge of guarding it. I am not sure where he was when this ark was returned. He is not mentioned. But his two brothers, Ahio and Uzzah, were involved in its transportation back to Jerusalem. 

What really stood out to me is how comfortable we can be come with God's holiness that we forget to be reverent to Him. 20 years is a long time to have such the sacred ark of the covenant in his home. Uzzah grew up with it there. 

I grew up going to church and hearing Bible stories. But I took it for granted. I got saved at the age of 21. I have been having a close personal relationship with Christ for over 21 years! He is my best friend. But I must stay very mindful of His Holiness, of His Supeme Authority, of His Justness, of His abhorring of sin, and what my responsibilities to Him are. 

Like Uzzah, what seems right in my eyes might be very against something He instructs in His Word.

Did Uzzah know they were transporting the ark wrong? Maybe. Maybe not. 
But transporting it was a sacred thing and there should have been inquiring to make sure it was done God's way. 

May we all seek God's Word more & learn His ways, and be ever mindful of His Holiness and Power. We can go to Him about anything. But we must be mindful of Who He is and who we are. 

Silence about Abigail

A quick summary I Samuel Chapter 30: 

David and his men return to Ziklag and discover the Amalekites had attacked in their absence. The place was burned and all the women and children had been taken. David and the men are deeply grieved. David seeks God for direction. They pursue after the Amalakites and recover all. 

There is a silent character in this story. A heroine that we can only guess as to her role in these events, Abigail, one of David's wives. Abigail knew about surviving hardships. Her first husband had been Nabal. A rich, but foolish man who was extremely disrespectful to Dave and his men. His foolishness almost got him and his whole household killed, except wise and beautiful Abigail quickly took action. She had sent food and provisions ahead to David and his men. Then she hurriedly arrived, bowed herself to him, and sought his mercy. She acknowledged that he was ordained by God to be king one day. Abigail's words and actions caused David's anger to be subdued. The next day Abigail tells her husband what she had done. He has a stroke and days later dies. David then sends for Abigail to marry her. A wise move. She is a prudent woman as well as being rich and beautiful. Abigail is humbled by the future king making her his bride. She sees herself as his servant.

In Chapter 30, David hasn't become king yet, but I believe Abigail knew without a doubt he would be king one day. She believed in him because she believed and trusted in God. When the enemy came into Ziklag while the men were gone, what did Abigail do to try to protect the women & children? Why did the enemy take them alive instead of killing them all like David had done to his enemies? Had Abigail used her quick wit and understanding of angry men to get them to not slaughter the women and children? As they marched away, did she fervently pray asking God for David to return and come to their rescue? Did she encourage the others to trust God as they marched away as captives of the enemy? Did she speak words of hope to the children and wives? Did Abigail help in some way when David & his men attacked by distracting the enemy so all could be recovered?  When David came to their rescue, did she exclaim, "I knew you'd come!"  ? The Bible is silent. 

Seeing the kind of woman Abigail was in chapter 25 leads me to have no doubts she might have done all of the above. She is a silent character, but a noble and brave one. Abigail inspires me. I can remember after becoming a believer and reading through the Bible how disappointed I was that she was not the mother of Solomon.

But Abigail did bare David a son, Daniel or Chileab. LIttle is known about this child. He was David's second oldest. Amnon was his elder half-brother, and Absalom, Adonijah, and Tamar were all his younger half-siblings. He is only mentioned as being born and then listed in the line of David's sons.Some believe he died young. Or maybe he was a prudent and humble believer like his mother. Prudent to avoid the trouble and drama of his half-siblings and humble in understanding that though he was 2nd in line to be king the position belonged to his younger half-brother Solomon.

The Bible is silent on somethings that we wish we knew.
But just like when I pray and God is silent, it doesn't mean He doesn't care
or that it isn't important to Him. Sometimes He is silent because He loves us so much
and His presence is more important than words.  

40 Day Challenge

1 Samuel 17:15-16

"But David went and returned from Saul to feed his father's sheep at Bethlehem. And the Philistine drew near morning and evening and presented himself forty days."

Morning and evening...

when the Israelites offered sacrifices, 
when they prayed, 
when God told Joshua to mediate on His words...

"This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate there in day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success?"

Joshua 1:8

Morning and evening is when the enemy came and railed against them. Till there came a lad who had been alone with God. Focusing on Him morning and evening. 40 days. That lad was not afraid. He had been with God, he was prayed up, and he headed into an unfair fight and was victorious spiritually and physically. 

Our pastor recently challenged us to take 40 days and spend time in the morning and evening studying God's Word and drawing close to Him in prayer. Morning and evening. 

It has been a challenge. Especially at the end of an exhausting and crazy day. It has also been so precious. Truth leaps off the page at me. And I feel the Holy Spirit directing my steps daily...hourly...moment by moment. 

Dear Reader, I encourage you to do this also. Take the 40 days challenge. Draw closer to God. Cherish His Word and His presence. 

Who do you say that I am?

Gospel of Matthew 16:15 "He saith unto them, But whom say ye that I am?"

Dear Reader, who do you say Jesus is? 

Who do I believe Jesus to be? 

God in the flesh 
Who took my beating for me 
and was put on my cross because of my sin 
and died in place of me. 

To me Jesus is:

• The Ultimate Valentine
• My Healer
• My Absolute Best Friend
• My Judge
• My Defender
• My Redeemer
• My Saviour
• My Strength
• My Hope
• Father to the Fatherless
• Head of our school
• Good Shepherd
• My Counselor
• My Provider
• Giver of wisdom
• The One who understands
• My Guardian
• Almighty Creator
• My Escape
• My Peace
• My Encourager
• Keeper of my heart
• My Restorer
• The Lifter of my head
• My joy

Matthew Henry said this about Matt 16:15

"It is possible for men to have good thoughts of Christ, and yet not right ones, a high opinion of him, and yet not high enough."

"Christ reveals His mind to his people gradually, and lets in light as they can bear it."

"When He found them (His disciples) knowing in one truth, He taught them another."

Amen!

Quiet Trust

Snow-globey snow!

My favorite.

Covers everything in white cotton candy fluff.

So beautiful.

Captivating.

I linger outside a long time. 

I visit Jim's grave.

I walk around my yard enjoying the night.

I thank the Lord for His many blessings:

The snow, each fat flake, a reminder of the precious, and loving thoughts my Jesus has for me. 

Quietness of the night.

My home.

My three sons, unique as each flake, and precious. 

Answered prayers.

Some small. Some huge. 

And God's protection from almosts that didn't happen.

I lingered in prayer like I lingered in the snow. Not much left to say. Listening for God to speak. Feeling His presence. His peace. His contentment. Waiting for Him to share something with my heart. 

The only words that come to mind:

Quiet Trust.

A stillness in the soul as I reviewed the day, remembering the difficulties and victories. And recognizing the Lord sovereignty and the promises He kept. 

I feel as safe and as held and as content as I used to feel over 14 years ago in my beloved's arms. Tonight though I am wrapped in a blanket of peace, nestled close to my Saviour. 

I sigh deeply and smile.

Yes, quiet trust. 

Amen!

Precious Words of Life:

Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us...

Titus 3:5

Amen!

Gentle Snow

Gentle snow falls. Tiny fine flakes. Calm. Beautiful. Not my favorite snow-globey snow, but magical nevertheless. I feel it beckoning me. To walk to the end of the driveway. To walk to Jim's grave. I turn away instead and finish a needed task. Then I head towards the house. The snow beckons me again. I hesitate. I consider lingering longer and letting it lead me to my beloved's resting place. But there are tasks that need completed and people to tend to. And I cannot let the emotions escape. Not yet anyway. I turn my back on the enticing whisper of the snow and trudge inside. I close the door behind me. And simultaneously stuff the emotions down. Way down. I press on.

Much later bedtime comes. Exhausted I burrow under the covers. Tears rise within me. The snow still falls outside. It still beckons to my heart. I long to creep outside and let the magical snow pause life for a few moments. But my body is weary and the tears are like little icicles. Frozen within me.

Twelve hours later while driving home with Snurr,  a song comes on the radio. The storm stirs within and before I can escape, tears melt and flow down my cheeks. Snurr notices and starts asking questions, "Missing Nana?" " Miss Daddy?" "What is it?" I am afraid to speak. It is all I can do to keep back the salty storm surge. I mumble something like "It's okay" or ""I'm okay" as I drop him off at home. I drive on to the post office. The moment it is just Jesus & me,  hot salty rivers flow like a dam has been broken. Each tear full of emotions that cannot be explained with words. But I don't have to explain them to Jesus. He knows and understands it all. And no matter the storms around me or within me, my Jesus is with me. And I do my best to praise Him in the storm.

"Praise You in This Storm"

I was sure by now, 

God, You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away,
Stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
And it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
The God who gives and takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
That You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hands
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone how can I carry on
If I can't find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
I'm with You
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
The God who gives and takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
That You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of heaven and earth

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
That You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Mark Hall / Bernie Herms

Praise You In This Storm lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc, BMG Rights Management, Essential Music Publishing, Capitol Christian Music Group

Word for 2020?

In January, friends often ask me what my word for the year is. A word to focus on. To grow in. I have learned a year is a very long time, and the Lord likes to shuffle my focus from one thing to another.

So I don't have a word for the year. But I do have  a couple phrases for this week, maybe even the next month, or longer:

True Peace and Healthy Boundaries

True peace. 

Matthew Henry is quoted as saying, "Peace is such a jewel, that I would give anything for it, but truth." Peace is defined as a calmness of soul that produces mental and emotional strength and stability. When I have peace I have a peaceful mind, a quiet conscience, a hopeful heart, and a close fellowship with God. I am at peace with God because Jesus died for me and washed my sins away. So true peace begins with knowing I am justified. With God, it is just-if-I'd never sinned. True peace hinges on if I believe I am accepted by God. The world's peace is enough to make me feel okay only when things are okay. God's peace passes all understanding. It is saying, "It's going to be okay, and even if it is not, it will be in the end." Jesus calls Himself the Prince of peace. So when storms come within me or around me, I need to focus on the Prince of Peace Who is still on the throne no matter what.

Healthy boundaries.

This one is something the Lord has been growing me in for the last couple years. A good friend gave me a shirt that says, "Stay in your lane." Healthy boundaries helps you know what is your lane. I have been studying this topic and will need write a separate post sometime in the future. For now here are some good quotes on boundaries:

"Boundaries are your responsibility. You decide what is and isn't allowed in your life." Brittney Moses

"A boundary is a definate place where your responsibility ends and another person's begins. It stops you from doing things for others that they should do for themselves. A boundary also prevents you from rescuing someone from consequences of their destructive behavior that they need to experience in order to grow." 

"My boundaries communicate what I want and what I don't want in my relationships with others. They are never an attempt to control anyone but myself."

"I didn't set this boundary to offend or please you. I did it to manage the priorities and goals I have set for my life." Kylo

Being Real.

When I decided to get into blogging, I knew I wanted to be real. Not acting like I have all my ducks in a row. Not to pretend I didn't have struggles. Jesus Christ is very real to me. His fingerprints in my life are very real. I desire to help others see how real and personal He is. 

I am not sure how often I will post this year, my track record is very sporadic! I just know I need to post more. In 2019 I didn't even post ten times! My journaling has also tapered off and that isn't healthy for me. 

2019 was a mounumental year for me with some very deep canyons. The Lord fulfilled a huge promise to me in making it possible for me to homeschool Snipp all the way! He graduated in May and he is a fine young man with a quiet, but strong faith and a heart for the bus ministry. All the overwhelming fears of 2006 have vanished. It is miraculous! It took 13 years. A lot of hard work, many tears, and many more prayers. Whenever I start to struggle with doubts about God's faithfulness, all I have to do is look at my oldest son. He is not a perfect man, the Lord is still molding him; but to me seeing him serve in church with such joy is an endless blessing. A victory! His father's death, my imperfect parenting and teaching, his own grief journey, all of it did not make him turn away from the LORD. 

Yet my goal is to be real. And I have two young men to finish homeschooling. Two teenagers to navigate to adulthood. Someone once said, "Parenting is hard; homeschooling is like parenting on steroids." So true! Some days are just hard. And many days this month I have felt so weary. 😢

Six days later:

The Lord in His wisdom gave us a snow day. We enjoyed a Saturday of just curling up with books in little niches around the house. Sunday was a breathe of fresh air to my soul. Pastor's words spoke right to my heart and I could feel the Holy Spirit opening my eyes, strengthening me, stirring hope within. Monday we headed down to visit family, Nana's family. We were all looking forward to it. Only one part was I dreading. Walking in the door and not having Nana there. Not giving and receiving a hug from my mentor & friend. I could feel the dread building within and contacted a few praying sisters. Sisters-in-Christ. Sisters-in-sorrow.  Precious sisters of faith. It is such a blessing to have sisters in this life. Our time with family was busy and short. The Lord did little things in those two days that continued to strengthen and encourage my weary soul. I returned home refreshed. Wednesday was a busy day of school and church activities. But I felt held. Protected. Today was another snow day. A planned homeschool group activity of sledding. The fresh air and homeschool mom talks were such a blessing. Then my two students and I visited a nearby town. We walked down memory lane a little bit and enjoyed A & W shakes. Later we met up with the other teens and moms at a friend's home. For a couple hours, the boys played games with their friends and us moms swapped homeschooling stories and shared about mom life. Just precious!

Like I said earlier, the Lord is so personal. He knows my needs and provides them at the times He deems best. I know in the next four months of school more hard days will come. For now, I rest in God's tender care and soak up His love. ❤