Butterflies & Hummingbirds

Like I usually do, I walked out to my Jim's grave before we left. I do this before we leave on trips. Today is unique. We are going to bury Jim's dad. 

As I bent down and rubbed my hand across the praying hands on top of the bench, I closed my eyes. I thanked God for keeping Dad Scott here long after my Jim was gone. For waiting till my oldest was almost 20 and the other boys were in high school. I thanked God for Dad's example of enduring faith and trust in the Lord. 

I looked at the details of Jim's memorial stone bench. I rubbed my hands across the praying hands again and closed my eyes. It comes. The feeling like my Jim is very close to me. Like he is standing behind me inside my personal radar, but not close enough to touch. I do not believe in ghost or the dead coming to visit. I do believe that Jim is with the Lord. He is in Christ. And I know how tender & near the Lord is to those who are grieving. So it makes sense to me to feel Jim close. 

I open my eyes. The feeling fades. I close them again & feel him near. Makes sense. Everything we see is temporal. What we cannot see is eternal. I feel surrounded by God's grace. Wrapped up like with a soft blanket from the dryer. 

Tjen it is time to walk away from the grave. A butterfly flitts across my path. I turn to watch it. It circles around to a tree and is met by a hummingbird. They do a strange dance in flight for a few seconds. Then the hummingbird flies away and the butterflies lands in the tree. What a precious moment to observe!

Finally Home

 

Words from Don Wyrtzen's song "Finally Home":

But just think of stepping on shore 

and finding it Heaven,

Of touching a hand, 

and finding it God's;

Of breathing new air 

and finding it celestial;

Of waking up in Glory...

and finding it Home.

Homeschooling

 I took a break from blogging in June and July. Now that we have started our homeschool year, it is time for me to get back to blogging.

Due to COVID-19 and the craziness that comes with it, homeschooling is a popular word these days. I have had several people ask me about homeschooling, and several people have mentioned they are interested or would like to, but.... and then I hear various reasons on why they can't or wouldn't do it well.

I try to listen and give encouragement. I share things that have helped me and my family. But it ultimately comes down to what you believe. 

Someone once shared with me that homeschooling has been likened to becoming a missionary or going into the military. There is a deep heartfelt cause behind the decision. Many people decide to homeschool for many different reasons. 

Homeschooling for us just naturally followed homebirthing my sons. In the early days after their father's death, homeschooling help us survive, heal, and then thrive. It gave security in a world that had been shattered. The journey has not been easy, but it has been worth it. All the sacrifices, sweat, and tears have been worth it. God faithfully gave grace, wisdom, and strength as needed. One son graduated a year ago and both of his brothers are highschoolers. As I look back, there are many reasons we began homeschooling and many other reasons that we stuck with it. 

Some of the core reasons we homeschool:

• My children are my responsibility. Their education is my responsibility. I take it seriously. I know my children; where they excel and where they struggle. God gave them to me. I am not perfect, but I love my sons and want what is best for them. And homeschooling is best for us. 
• Our faith is at the center of our life. Almighty God is not to be put in a box just for Sundays. He is very much alive and active in our world, in science, and in history. His presence needs to be acknowledged and revealed in my sons' education. A personal relationship with Him is essential and our academics nurtures this relationship. 
• Family is important. We are family. Time together, working, learning, worshiping, having fun is important. I gave birth to them at home because birth is a natural process. Sometimes it turns into a medical procedure, but it doesn't start as a medical procedure. Learning is the same thing. Learning is a natural process. Children crave to know about the world around them, to find out the how's and why's, and then share that with others. Sharing it all with family creates bonds that are powerful. 
• We enjoy our freedoms. I choose to homeschool because we can exercise our freedoms more freely. We are free from bullying, active shooters, censorship on what we write and say. We can pray outloud and read our Bibles unhindered. We have freedom in our schedule when a relative is in the hospital or a neighbor needs help with a fallen tree. We have freedom to sleep in the morning after a busy evening or double up days to finish the school week early. A student has freedom to spend two hours on a subject of interest or take a hour long break wrenching on a motor in the garage. 
• It provides great student-to-teacher ratio. My students get plenty of one-on-one attention. I might not have all the resources as public schools do. But I have a mother's deep love for my sons and can work one-on-one with them. We can slow down on difficult concepts or test out of concepts previously mastered. I am the same teacher they had last year and the year before. I know where they are independent and need to stay that way. I know where they can stretch and be more independent. I also know where they need the extra help, for now. 

I have always been thankful we homeschool. There are many hills and valleys on this homeschooling journey. But I am thankful for the freedom to homeschool and that God has allowed me to do so. 

This past spring when the pandemic and fear swept across our nation, we just kept on plugging away on our school year. We pressed on and finished early so the boys could all rock pick for area farmers. Like usual I looked over curriculum, prayed, and ordered the next year's materials. And we started the 1st Monday in August like usual. In all the unsureness around us, our home has stayed steady, an anchor in stormy seas. 

I have always been thankful we homeschooled. 

But in 2020 I have been the most thankful ever. 

Interceding for & Mentoring the Grieving

"We walk backwards in time, remember & feel it all again.  But we put on our muck boots and wade through it to help another up & journey with them awhile. Just seeing that we are still breathing & we made it so long gives hope. A hope that makes breathing a lil easier for others."

Birthday Flowers

Every year without fail, God gives me flowers for my birthday.

I would take these over a dozen roses any day!!!

The Lord Knows

Isaiah 46:10 "Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times the things that are not yet done, saying, My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure:"

God knows the end from the beginning.

Back in February Snurr was struggling with his dad's death again. Every so often he wrestles with God about it. My heart ached for him. A few weeks later our pastor gave us the 40 Day Challenge. We took that challenge and Snurr in particular made a long prayer list. About halfway through the challenge, our state got hit by COVID-19. We went from being at church whenever it was open to just watching church on YouTube.

Our church is not a building or a social club. We are a family. The guy time my sons get with their brothers-in-Christ in our church is very important. For my social bug Snurr,  guy time is something he can never get enough of. A bottomless cup.  I particularly prayed for him during this no church time, especially as February had been rough for him. But the Lord, the Everlasting Father knows.

Our state allowed groups of 10 to meet. Our pastor meet weekly with nine men of the church. (My oldest Snipp was one of these). Several weeks in some of the men couldn't all make a meeting & my pastor asked my young teenage boys to come. What a blessing for them! The guy time, the Bible study, the prayertime. All was very needed.

But I didn't realize something until I was sharing with a friend recently.

The son who was needing guy time the most was given the 40 day challenge before God allowed the men in his life to be greatly distanced from him. Snurr drew closer to God before he would need Him for the time apart from his brothers-in-Christ. And when the 40 days was over, Snurr has kept up his morning and evening times with God. It has become precious to him. 

What a blessing!

The Lord knows what we need before we know we have the need. What a caring Lord!

Remembered

The younger boys and I headed to the store. It was time for the vehicle's oil change. We have stepped into that store many times in the last 14 years. But memories hit me everytime. Jim in his white shirt and me showing him a positive pregnancy test. Jim in his grey shirt, manger of the store, but squatted down to talk to our son. Jim with his characteristic beard and twinkling eyes when he smiled. Memories, so many memories...

One of Jim's old coworkers was working. He is the last of the crew. The only one there who knows my husband used be the manager. He started about the same time Jim & Ben did over 20 yrs ago. 

He helped us get what we needed. As we checked out, he casually flipped open his wallet and scanned his employee discount card. I said, "Thank you!" He simply said, "I remember."

Jim's old crew used to all use their discount cards for us as a way to help us out & also honor Jim. It deeply touched my heart. Fourteen years have passed & someone else remembers Jim. He is not forgotten. 

God's voice echoes in my heart. "I remember." The Lord remembers me too. He knows about every tear and hardship and fear. Every cry He hears. He knows me. I am not forgotten. Ever. Not even for a minute. My Lord remembers me. 

Isaiah 49:15-16a

Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands;