Passing of the Patriarchs

 My son used this phrase in 2019. But it echoes in my mind tonight. The older I get, of course, the more people I know die. It is the way of life. King David understood this when he said, "I go the way of my fathers." I get it.

This last year four different men of God who were influences on my life passed away. 

First there was Bro. Ron. I hadn't seen him in years. He was the one who first taught Jim and I about spiritual warfare. His teaching helped set Jim and I free from a lot of bondage and give us good wisdom to raise our kids free from so many things that hindered us. I have fond memories of Bro. Ron portraying Jesus for my VBS class and his laughter was contagious. And such a smile. 

In August it was Dad Scott. There is not enough room to write what he all meant to me. He had been at the brink of death so many times. But I couldn't bear to go see him or talk to him on that final night. We shared such a deep love for his son Jim as well as for our Savior Jesus Christ. He was one of my main go-to guys about things of God next to my preacher. He prayed for his son's future wife before we even knew each other. Through his encouragement and prayer, I went to church and got saved. He was at our wedding. And he walked me down the isle to Jim's casket on the night of the viewing. He was with me when we received the initial police report and his prayers held me up those first days, weeks, and months. He told my sons about their dad and prayed for them also. He was one of the most longsuffering men I know and humble to boot. 

Then there was my brother-in-Christ Mahlon. His smile reminded me of my grandpa. He had such a spirit of joy and love. It just oozed out of him. He had this amazing way to connect with young people. My kids loved him. He had a coach's heart. He gave them gloves and a bat. He taught them about ball and life. He was another cheerleader to me. Always complimenting me as a mom. And joking around. But we also talked often about Heaven. He longed to hug his dad who had passed away when he was 12. 

Most recently I learned Bro. Anger had passed away. We hadn't seen him in years. But he too reminded me of my grandpa. He was tough and faith-filled man. Bold as a lion and courageous. Traveling the world, preaching to people, encouraging missions all while he was over the age of 70. He could be blunt and challenging. He challenged me to be tough on my boys and raise them to be men. "5 star soldiers." To do the uncomfortable. To eat strange foods. To view missions with fresh eyes. He was fearless in the face of the enemy. 

This four men have influence my life for Christ in many ways. They have entered into their eternal rest and will be rewarded for their faithfulness to Christ. Their presence is missed in this darkened world. And I remember the wise words of a fellow griever: "Be what you miss most about the one you love."

Song "Lord, I'm Thankful"

"Lord, I'm Thankful"

 Lately I've been through some testing and trials,

Felt like a detour that went on for miles.

But standing here now looking back I can say,
Lord I'm thankful.

Some storms I thought I would never survive
But here I am feeling so strong and alive.
The darkness is passed and the morning is bright,
And I'm thankful!

Lord, I'm thankful like David after Goliath
Like Paul and Silas after the jail,
I'm thankful like Daniel after the lions,
Lord I'm thankful.

Thankful like Noah back on dry ground;
Thankful like Lazarus finally unwound.
E-ve-ry beat of my heart wants to pound,
I'm thankful, Lord I'm thankful

I've battled giants of failure and fear,
Shadows of doubt where my hope was unclear.
But along, Lord, You were drawing me near
And I'm thankful

All the sins of my past were a thundering roar
That echoed the guilt that I could not ignore
But it's nailed to a cross and I hear it no more
And I'm thankful!! 

Lord, I'm thankful like David after Goliath
Like Paul and Silas after the jail,
I'm thankful like Daniel after the lions,
Lord I'm thankful.

Thankful like Noah back on dry ground;
Thankful like Lazarus finally unwound.
E-ve-ry beat of my heart wants to pound,
I'm thankful, Lord I'm thankful

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Joel Lindsey

A Timely Card & a Meal

Never underestimate what God can do with a card. 

And if He prompts you to send a meal to someone, do it!

Last week was a crazy week. I was recovering from being sick. 

School work was piled up. 

We were all knocking heads. 

Then in the mail that day came a sympathy card from our homeschool group. 

It had been mailed Monday & had arrived on a day we were missing our homeschool friends. Their love, support, & prayer was an encouragement to my grieving soul. 

Then Snipp brought home supper a homeschool friend had sent with him. What a wonderful blessing! We had worked hard on school all day & I had been delayed in making supper. Just so wonderful how the Lord took care of our needs. That same friend had shared how she was specifically praying for us. What a huge blessing! We got all caught up on school & we didn't knock heads at all! 

So when God prompts your heart, dear friends, reach out.

Pray, send a card or a text, make a meal and deliver it. 

You have no idea what discouragement and battles a friend might be dealing with. 

He Maketh Me to Lie Down

 We all know Psalm 23. 

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

My Jim used to say, "Sometimes He maketh us lie down on the couch or in a hospital bed." We don't see these things as "green pastures" but our Good Shepherd knows what we need. He knows the nourishment our souls are needing. Sometimes when we like to stay busy to not think about somethings, He allows us to get sick and makes us hibernate alone in our rooms. He gets a lot of one-on-one with us then. 

There has been a lot for me to process lately. Dad Scott going to heaven. Him being united with my Jim again and many others. Thoughts of heaven. Craziness of our world. The lost yet to reach. The return of Christ nearing. Seeing many family members at funeral and family gathering. Homeschooling while grieving. Just a lot. Then I woke up with an awful earache a week after the funeral. Then sinus infection hit. I was down for the count for several days. 

The Lord maketh me lie down. My time with Him was sweet. Restful. Needed. 

Keep Praying

Dad Scott's last words to me, were like a final charge to me. Two words were repeated & pierced my heart,

"...Keep praying..."

To me personally it was a charge like Dad was saying:

"Don't quit believing.

Don't quit on people.

Don't rule out what God can do.

Remember who you are and why you are here.

Pray, intercessor, pray.

Pray and pray some more.

Keep praying."

Then in the last couple days the Lord has revealed to me people & situations where GOD is answering prayers.In unique ways. It reminds me He is listening and He is at work! Never stop believing and be ready to be amazed. Keep praying!

The Empty Chair

The grieving family all sat in a row. We stretched the whole length of it. Except one. The chair next to me was eerily empty. For over 14 years I have had to deal with empty chairs. But this seemed extra empty. Probably because I was at my late husband's father's funeral. The fact they have hugged each other and are reunity is a joy. But one I can not part take in yet. Another connect to my Jim is no longer here. And at times it makes him feel so far away.

The Internet will help you with anything. I used it to calculated it out the days. I have been a widow 5,325 days!!! That is having to deal with a whole lot of empty chairs. I have learned how to survive and even thrive, but tears still come some times. And this was one of them. 

I wrapped my hand around a small rock and squeezed hard. I texted a friend an "!". I breathed. I prayed. I listened to others sing. I laughed at the funny things said. I shed more tears. And I said "amen" to every word spoken I heartily agreed with. I went through the whole service. I survived. 

Then I stood up and with the rest of the family and followed the casket of my amazing God-loving, God-fearing father-in-law. I thanked God for his impact on my life. 

The cemetery was beautiful. The wind blew through the trees and reminded me of the day God spoke to me, came running after me. God is in this place. My neice stood in front of me. I crossed my arms acrossed her. She leaned into me. A reminder the the next generation that needs cheerleaders and prayer warriors. We sang. We left. 

Later, I came back alone. The dirt was leveled out. The wind still blew. God is still in this place. I placed my flowers on top of Dad Scott's grave. No tears. Just peace. 

Butterflies & Hummingbirds

Like I usually do, I walked out to my Jim's grave before we left. I do this before we leave on trips. Today is unique. We are going to bury Jim's dad. 

As I bent down and rubbed my hand across the praying hands on top of the bench, I closed my eyes. I thanked God for keeping Dad Scott here long after my Jim was gone. For waiting till my oldest was almost 20 and the other boys were in high school. I thanked God for Dad's example of enduring faith and trust in the Lord. 

I looked at the details of Jim's memorial stone bench. I rubbed my hands across the praying hands again and closed my eyes. It comes. The feeling like my Jim is very close to me. Like he is standing behind me inside my personal radar, but not close enough to touch. I do not believe in ghost or the dead coming to visit. I do believe that Jim is with the Lord. He is in Christ. And I know how tender & near the Lord is to those who are grieving. So it makes sense to me to feel Jim close. 

I open my eyes. The feeling fades. I close them again & feel him near. Makes sense. Everything we see is temporal. What we cannot see is eternal. I feel surrounded by God's grace. Wrapped up like with a soft blanket from the dryer. 

Tjen it is time to walk away from the grave. A butterfly flitts across my path. I turn to watch it. It circles around to a tree and is met by a hummingbird. They do a strange dance in flight for a few seconds. Then the hummingbird flies away and the butterflies lands in the tree. What a precious moment to observe!