The Lord is Faithful

At night, when the children are in bed, where do you pray?  Some nights I go to my room and sit on my bed. Many other nights I walk up and down the hallway by the boys' rooms. I wonder what they will remember when they are adults.

Some nights my voice is weary and I walk slowly almost dragging my feet. Sometimes I pace quickly calling on the Lord in desperation to work in a situation. Some nights it is a steady rhythm of my feet in time with the tears that slide down my face for my unsaved family. Sometimes my voice is choked and the tears fall hot and fast, and boys slip out of their beds and reach out to me as I pass their doors.

And there are many nights also that I pour out gratitude to my precious Saviour who has blessed us so much, to my great God who has cared for us so tenderly, so personally, so detailed, so knowingly.  I walk up and down the hall like I'd walk with an old friend to the next place we are traveling and reminiscing the whole way about our journey together.

My Lord has been so faithful. I don't know what the boys will remember when they recall my nightly prayer walking in the hall. But I pray they remember this most of all---the Lord is Faithful! 

Be a Tree of Life

Proverbs 11:30 "The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life; and he that winneth souls is wise."

I read these words this morning and this thought was pressing on my heart,

"Be a tree of life to others."

Now there's a life purpose!

Think about a tree, better yet think about the tree of life that was in the garden of Eden.

A tree of life:

• has good fruit, more specifically the Fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance.
• gives life to others, by words and deeds.
• witnesses to others so they can have eternal life.
• has integrity which means a sincerity of heart and intention, truthfulness, uprightness. It is one of the words on the breastplate of the high priest.
• has knowledge or illumination of the mind to perceive things from God's eyes which is granted to those who have an honest relationship with Christ.
• knows what to say, when to say it, and how to say it.
• knows what not to say...ever.
• sows seeds of mercy.
• reaches for the Son.
• gives others a place of rest and shelter from storms.
• gives oxygen to others.

How can you and I be a tree of life to others today?

Love Letter Part 3

After reviewing my posts, I realized I never concluded Isaiah 43.
I felt the Lord speaking very personally to my heart when I first read this passage this summer.
He alone knew the fear and struggles I would face in the weeks ahead. He alone knew the great healing that was coming.

Here is how I penned it in my journal in August:

I created you, Christine. I formed you into who you are. I redeemed you from sin and shame. Christine, you are Mine! I love you and will not be okay with you straying from Me.

You have mistaken my love flowing through others as independent  of Me. You've mistaken the physical world as greater than what you can't see, feel, or hold. I am enough. If it wasn't so I would have told you. Some of what you feel is just being crucified with Christ. Be humble-life is about others. Be grateful-count your blessings and cherish the moments.

I have called thee to be a single mom. I have called thee to be a country mom of a handyman house. I have called thee to homeschool the boys. I have called thee....When you go through deep water, I will be with thee. I am the LORD thy God.

You are precious in My sight. You are honorable. I love thee. Fear not, I am with thee. Everyone that is called of mine name, I have created for My glory. I formed you. I made you. I am your potter. Be my witness. And my chosen servant that you may know and understand I am He.

There is no other god before me or after me. There is no other savior or hero coming to rescue you. I deliver-let Me work. I am your King. I will make a way. Remember not the former things. I am going to do a new thing. I will make a way in the wilderness. I will make rivers in the desert. Where you are thirsty the most, I will quench it.

You are one of my people. You are chosen, my chosen. You were formed for Me, to show forth My praise. I know you haven't been faithful, thankful, or joyful. I will blot out your sins and remember them no more. Put Me in remembrance of you mind. Meditate...think on Me. Because I am thinking of you.

The Great Healing

"Grief is very personal and unique to every individual. In my experience as well as working with others, I have learned that there is no specific time table to healing. Losing Jim was like being in a horrific accident where I lost my arm and leg. I felt paralyzed and overwhelmed by pain. Healing came slowly, very slowly. Emotionally, I felt like I was functioning from a hospital bed, and then a wheelchair. There has been specific times that the LORD did significant healing within me over the last almost 11years. Most recently, the LORD has brought a profound healing deep in my heart. I feel as if I have finally graduated from physical therapy with prosthetic limbs and I am able to walk again. I feel that the LORD and I can hike together now toward something special up ahead. I don't know what it is, but I know the LORD is good and He knows best."

I recently share the above in our family newsletter. As I walked in the silent snow this evening, a realized I am waiting. Part of me is anxiously waiting for what the Lord will do next, the other part is fearfully waiting for the pain to return.....am I really healed?

I see couples holding hands, especially elderly couples, and I smile instead of feeling a twinge of pain. I celebrated our anniversary with rejoicing over my adult nephew being baptized, no twinge of pain that day either. More heart checks: Two boys' birthdays....no twinge. Thanksgiving...no twinge.   Christmas is coming.....nothing yet. Hear about some people's loved ones passing on. I pray with understanding, but don't get sucked into a grief wave. I stand amazed and tremble.

Winter is here and that usually means dark clouds come with dread as the cold creeps in. It has been like that for ten years now. That is what I am used. Oct, Nov, Dec, Jan, Feb.....each month had certain grief days, some times quiet with silent tears, some times feeling hollow and alone, some times just making myself put one foot in front of the other. Finally March brings spring and as the cold leaves so do the clouds in my soul.

But this year is different, I have felt a inner joy and freedom that I can not explain. I know that my heart is fearful that it won't last. Am I really healed?  I think of all the people Jesus healed and I wonder....did the man with leprosy check his skin every day in the sunlight for weeks just to inspect for signs of its returning? Did the  lame women carefully stretch her legs each morning to make sure they still worked? Did Martha check on Lazarus in the middle of the night to make sure she wasn't dreaming, that he was really alive again?

I know in my head my fearful waiting is a lack of faith, a work of unbelief in my heart. So many years ago, God told me this would happen. Psalm 147:3 "He healeth the broken in heart and bindeth up their wounds." The LORD spoke specifically to my bleeding heart one night, "You won't always hurt like this." At the time, the thought was unbelievable. The pain was so intense I could not believe I wasn't dying from how excruciating it was. But I clung to this verse of hope, that it wasn't always going to hurt like that. The LORD was right. It took time, lots of time. 3 years in I could breathe better, 4 yrs in a painful outpouring followed by significant healing, 5 yrs in the pain dulled some, 6 yrs in He answered some questions, 7 years in a second great outpouring of pain followed by a gentle healing again, the next three years steady steps in healing with occasional set backs. This summer feeling like I was on the rim of an overwhelming canyon. Then this fall...some precious, precious time with my Lord. Just seeking His face in intense prayer and reading His word. Oh, how He spoke to my heart.

He spoke and God created light. Creation was spoken into existence, except man, He was more hands-on with man. But if I can believe He spoke and created this world and universe, why do I stand in doubt of His great healing on my heart?

Another verse God shared with me years ago is Mark 5:36 "Be not afraid, only believe." Jesus spoke these words to a grief-stricken father. Another father who brought Jesus his ailing son was told to believe. The father cried out, "I believe, help mine unbelief."

So that is me tonight. Lord, I believe You have done a great healing in my heart and that the pain isn't going to come back and pounce on me. But please help my unbelief that fearfully waits for the pain to creep up on me when I least expect it and to snatch away the joy I feel in my soul.

With trembling heart, I choose to believe.

God's Provision

My sister-in-law sent me this many weeks ago. The LORD made it so real to me last month.
As the month stretched on, and the budget got tighter, and I looked at the bills due.....I sighed deeply and told the LORD I didn't know how this was going to work out. Three days before the end of the month, I got the call that the men who had talked to me many months ago about harvesting timber were ready. Three days later, they gave me a down payment on the trees they had harvested. The following week, they paid me the rest.  They also gave me a scripture plague.

Ah, LORD God.......there is nothing too hard for Thee. Jeremiah 32:17

Oh, me of little faith!  Why do I worry and fret? My LORD has taken care of us this far, and HE will do so in the future.  I went for a walk in the woods yesterday. Many trees are gone, it looks much different, not even especially beautiful. But I found a stump on the edge of the logging trail and just sat. The sound of the wind through the trees was so calming, and the wind in my hair was refreshing.

"Thou art Mine." 

"There is nothing too hard for ME." 

"Fear not."

The LORD planted those trees many long years ago, knowing at this time this year, this mom was needing the financial blessing they could provide. I never sought anyone to harvest them. The LORD direct to someone to me.  The LORD knows my address. He also sent someone to inquire about buying the wood for firewood that the harvester couldn't take. Ah, LORD God....You see, You know, You care.

Love Letter Part 2

One of my favorite hymns is How Firm A Foundation. Three of its verses are based on scripture:

Verse 3

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.


Isa 41:10  Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Verses 4 and 5

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.


Isa 43:2  When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.

I immediately thought of the hymn when I read Isaiah 43:2. In fact, it was already marked in my Bible. As the hymn's words are in 1st person and spoken as they are from the LORD, they just add depth to the personalization of this chapter to me.  The LORD is with me in troubles, and will not let them overtake me. He will actually bless and separate me as special to HIM. "When I see the reflection of my face" is what one gold refiner said, when asked how do you know when the gold is done being refined. Yes, and so it is with me. Until my Lord sees Himself in me, I will need refining to get my dross out.

This Sunday the Lord had my preacher preach on three words: GRACE, BLOOD, & FAITH
I may write a post on this later, but Isa 43:2 hints at grace and the hymn verse speaks of it. Grace, all sufficient. This phrase is spoken of in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. ⁸For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. ⁹And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

My pastor shared the above scripture. And a key thing he said was God says, "My grace is enough."
This spoke loudly to me because God has spoken a similar phrase to me before and I feel like it is part of my life message: HE is enough. And every morning the Lord knocks on my heart and has a sufficient amount of grace for me specifically for that particular day.

Oh, how personal my LORD is to me!

Love Letter-Part 1

Isaiah 43:1 But now thus saith the LORD that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name;

thou art mine.

A dear friend shared the above verse with me yesterday. "You are Mine." What a powerful statement from the LORD. I ended up rereading the whole chapter this morning. I am hoping in this post to

express to you all that the LORD shared with me. He personalized it to me. Like a lover letter straight to my heart. For time sake, I might have to type this in parts. Let's just focus on the first verse for now. I highlighted five things the Lord spoke to me about.

• I created you.
• I formed you.
• I redeemed you.
• I called you.
• You are Mine.

The LORD created me. He oversaw my growth within my mother's womb. Every birthmark and personality quirk were created by Him. They are His signature marks on me.

The LORD formed me. Not just in the womb, but my molding since then. Every childhood experience, the struggles of youth, the person I am today. All of it was formed and molded by a master potter.

The LORD redeemed me. Not just from my past sins before salvation, but the besetting sins that still make me fall on my face. I am forgiven and redeemed! Oh, what sweet peace and freedom in being redeemed. In my sin and shame, He saw something priceless. He believed I was worth dying for, that I was worth saving.

The LORD called me. He has called me to be His daughter and friend, to work with Him, to walk by His side and be used of Him. Specifically, He has called me to be a single mom, a homeschool parent, a Sunday School teacher, and a witnesses of His love and majesty.

I am His. He reminds me that I am not my own. I am not to be someone or something else's. I belong to the LORD. When the world tries to tell me I am someone else. When the enemy tells me another lie. When I feel like I am being crucified. When I feel misunderstood. When I feel like a stranger in this place. When I stray my eyes from His face. When I feel incomplete and unloved. He calls to my heart, "You are mine. I have chosen you."

I am His. What a beautiful beginning to a love letter. I encourage you to read all of Isaiah 43. Read it carefully. Read it with a prayerful heart. The LORD has much to share with you. Linger over the words. Go back and reread it several times in one day. Let His words touch your heart and draw you deeper in love with the Lover of your soul.