Weeping

My stomach is queasy as a new sailor and my eyes fill with tears of rage.
I vent to God my anguish and the grief for a child I have never known takes me to a dark hole within.

God, how could this happen....while a small town goes about their business of life that a infant sits in a prison pendulum being rocked to his death?  The stench of drugs looms in the air and his little sister drifts into the room and out again. But the little fellow doesn't perk up when humans enter. He has long ago learned they are indifferent to his cries. So he suffers in silence. Alone.

Only the Lord spoke words of comfort to him.
Only the Lord welcomed him home.
Only the Lord knew for days of his passing.

But the Lord is just.
The Lord will only let hidden things remain so for so long.
Soon the authorities arrive and neighbors stand appalled.
Town folk are stunned. Outraged. Grief stricken.
The world seems vile and hideous.
Parents become monsters.
And monsters are hated.

And where does all the hatred get us?
Nowhere, for the earth is full of it and is spinning into a pit of hell.

The ogres who parented this precious little one are locked up.
And yet we are all ogres.
We are all vile and sinful.
Some of us display it more fiercely than others.

How is a neglected baby that dies called murdered,
But an aborted baby is called a woman's choice?

4 months out of the womb or 4 months in.
Does it matter in the eyes of God?

The Lord's eyes see it all.
I am appalled how drugs blinded these people from caring for a precious creation of God.
I am equally appalled that women across America think they have a right to murder their children within them and not think it is equal to human sacrifices of old.

I want to vomit. I am sick with the sins of my nation. Its indifference to do gross sin in front of a holy and just God, and then whine about a God they don't believe in when He allows suffering through natural disasters and tragedies.  I want to shake people out of their pleasure seeking slumber as much as out of drug induced one.

ISIS, crazy psychopaths shooting at crowds, ran over bicyclists, fires, hurricanes, floods, and the list goes on and on and on and on. What will our grandchildren say to us when they look back?
What did you do to stop the destruction, the self-destruction of the greatest nation on earth,
a nation that championed for human rights to freedom?

2 Chronicles 7:14 "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."

The answer comes back to the LORD. We must turn to the LORD. Where is He everyone asks.
Where He has always been. He is a gentleman. Waiting for us to respond to His Word. Waiting for us to realize our filthiness and to cry out to him. Waiting for us to realize He is God alone. And we deserve punishment. We deserve hell. He made a way of escape. He provided deliverance, but we shake our fist at Him and demand our rights to do things our way. He has every right to squash our whiney ungrateful lumps of clay that we are.

Woe to him who strives with his maker.
Woe to him that calls evil good and good evil
Woe to him....
Woe to us, America, for not running back to Him when we see we strayed.

Like Josiah of old, we must rip our garments and weep.
We must gather together and harken to the Words of God again.
Destruction probably will still come. But at least then we would be ready
to face the living God.

We have blood on our hands and are like the harlot wiping her mouth.
We are so defiled.
So much monsters as anyone else.

We all need forgiveness, for we are all murders and ogres.
We all deserve to die a slow painful death.
We deserve torment.
We deserve hell fire.

I am sick, just sick with the vile sin of this world....
That makes me see myself as I really am.

A sinner. No better and no different than anyone else on the planet.

Only Jesus covered me with His blood when I cried out to Him.
And the Father sees them no more. I fall on my knees in praise.

Yet I weep.

I weep and weep for all the children that never got to breath. I weep for the curse their mothers are ensnared in. I weep for neglected children who never know love till the Lord holds them in heaven. And I weep for our nation that has forgotten the LORD is a righteous and just God.

Psalm 9:17 "The wicked shall be turned into hell, and all the nations that forget God."

Silent Victims

Sterling Daniel Koehn....from Iowa to the UK, his horrifying story has been heard. There are other silent victims. On paper, I dump out the words rattling around within me. They are raw, sharp, and covered in tears. They may never be posted here.  But I found a well written article that echoes my heart's cry 100%.

Read on:

One Child's Death Mourned, Another Celebrated

Holding With an Open Hand

The longer I walk with Christ Jesus, the more I am learning to hold everything in an open hand.

I have been trying to focus daily on releasing my will. My son found a sun catcher that says “Let go & Let God.”
Perfect! We hung it in the kitchen window so I can look at it when I do dishes. Let… “I will work and who shall let it?” the LORD said in Isaiah 43:13b

A reminder to hold everything in an open hand.
Everything:
health,
finances,
home,
land,
rights,
expectations,
modern conveniences,
possessions,
children,
loved ones,
life……

Job understood this when he said “the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD” (Job 1:21b). The LORD first taught me this when I miscarried my first child. Since then I have had many repeat lessons through the years.

The Lord reminded me again recently I am His. And He is free to do whatever He wants with His creation and with His child. He loves me more than anyone else I know. And He has the best plan in mind.

I must rest upon Him. Fall back and trust Him. Let Him lead when I cannot see.

To hold everything, even what is most precious to me, in an open hand,
knowing He wants to guard and protect it even more than I do. 

Heavy Prayer Mantle

Like the widow Anna in the New Testament (Luke 2:36-38), God commissioned me many years ago to serve Him with fastings and prayers. It has been the most exhausting and rewarding part of being a Child of God.

I have borne many burdens of prayer as an intercessor. I know the joy of victory and sorrow of defeat. I know the heavy attack that knocks me to my knees and causes me to feel the shadow of satan on my face. I know the time and sacrifices it costs me and my boys. I know the reward of seeing prayers answered and captives being set free. I also know the battle scars it leaves and the wake of destruction that can occur when the enemy wins a round. Sometimes the prayer mantle can seem so heavy....

And I am human....
The Lord called and commissioned me to war on behalf of someone recently; week after week this heavy burden was upon me.  It still is. But one morning I tried to run from it and was swiftly admonished. Desertion is not an option.

My king commanded I do this till He says to stop. So it's not about how I feel. It is about duty, it is about obedience, it is about loving others like my LORD loves me, unconditionally, in a steadfast manner.  Like He did when He bore the heaviness and pain of the cross for me. I own Him this, I owe Him everything...

My mind replays other heavy burdens and the victories of people who responded to God working in their lives.  I stand in awe of the miracles He has done. And then my heart skips a beat and tears come as I recall those who didn't heed the LORD and the destruction that came to their household and sent ripples to all those around them.

I tremble when God gives me the real heavy burdens. Pain is inevitable. But to be idle is unthinkable. The love of Christ compels intercession and sacrifice.

So I take to heart the encouragement of a fellow warrior, don the heavy prayer mantle again, gather up my gear, and step out once again to be an armorbear for someone who is clueless to how God has caused me to war on their behalf.

I focus on the face of my Saviour and await His smile. I remember His promises. And think of the day He will wrap me in His embrace and I can lay down my gear and just rejoice continually in His presence.

Confidence

Our pastor preached recently on one of my favorite topics, prayer. He taught us that we must first of all- pray, then be earnest, be clean, make it about bringing God glory, and be persistent. A week later he preached on being confident when we pray.

Confidence is having no doubt, worry, or concern, but instead having power that nothing can hinder.

 1 John 3:21b-22a says "...have we confidence toward God. And whatsoever we ask, we receive of Him..."

Confidence= Believing God is with us

This is not the world's counterfeit confidence of our power and ability. God confidence is in His ability and power and counting on His supernatural working. It is built on God's Word and bases strength on what God says. God wants to do something amazing in our lives even more than we do.

We lack confidence when our hearts condemns us. Satan gets us to think about our sins. We lose boldness. It is a great tactic of the enemy to hinder our prayer life. It isn't about our righteousness. It is about God's. God is greater than our hearts, greater than our sin. Confess it, seek His forgiveness, and accept it. Then get back to praying.

This last week  I was reminded again that prayer is battle, and satan likes to make us our own worse enemy. Like my pastor said, "Think about it: we are the greatest influence on ourselves. Who else talks to us so much?"

My friend and I were discussing high school football, and a team that has had a lot of injuries. He said "If they were more aggressive, they would hold better physical forms that would protect the body." What the team lacks is inner confidence. It would come out as being more aggressive that would end up keeping them from getting so hurt. Picture David charging down the hill to face the giant Goliath. Now that youth had God confidence!

Do you see the spiritual application?  If we would have more inner confidence in God, we would be more aggressive against satan and he wouldn't end up wounding us so much. Our "form" would be better.

This applies to the whole team as well. The family. The church. As each member has greater God confidence, the whole team would be more protected, and gain more ground.

Verses on confidence:

Ps 118:8 It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.

Eph 3:12 In Whom we have boldness and access with confidence by the faith of Him

Php 3:3 For we are the circumcision, which worship God in the spirit,
and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh

Acts 28:31
(Paul) Preaching the kingdom of God, and teaching those things which concern the Lord Jesus Christ, with all confidence, no man forbidding him.

Heb 10:25
Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompense of reward.

Prov 3:26
For the LORD shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken.

Prov 14:26
In the fear of the LORD is strong confidence and His children shall have a place of refuge.

Armorbearer Part 1

"Intercessory prayer is the privilege to be another person's armorbearer."

I have been doing a word study on "armorbearer" recently. I especially like the story in 1 Samuel 14 about Jonathan's armorbearer. The Lord has some powerful things to teach us.

Armorbearers were assistants to warriors; a sidekick, if you will. They carried armor, of course, but also weapons. They needed to be strong, but also courageous. They finished off any enemy that their warrior had struck down. They watched for the enemy to attack from a blind spot to their warrior. Should the enemy wound their warrior, the armorbearer was often looked to, to finish off his warrior, so that the enemy wouldn't torment him or shame him in death.

Spiritually, we need to be strong for other warriors, encouraging them to step out in faith and helping them slay the enemy. We need to be on guard for them in prayer. We can also thrust others threw, with the Word of God and through prayer, when they have been mortally wounded by the lies of the enemy.

This takes being a tree of life to others to a whole new level. A level of warfare.

There are many different people we can be an armorbearer for: Christ, your pastor, another leader, a spouse, a friend, even the unbeliever. I hope to expound on this more in the future.  For now, dear reader, just be in prayer on how you can be armorbearer and to who.

Waiting

There are times in life when you feel like the door is locked and you just have to sit on the steps and wait. It maybe that God hasn't unlocked an opportunity you are hoping for. It might be you expected a family member to be healed and it hasn't happened yet. It might be that a friend won't let you in when you know God sent you to share truth.

At times like these, it can be difficult to sit and wait. We want to bang on the door and scream and yell. We think we have the right to demand to be let in. Or we want to just walk away in a huff and give up. To get angry and bitter. To rant and rave and ridicule and speak evil.

But God calls us to sit and wait. He has a plan that cannot be rushed. He is getting ready every detail. He is lining things up as they need to be. He is teaching a lesson that will only be learned in this manner. He is tearing down a wall brick by brick. He is warming the soil of a soul so it will sprout seeds when you plant truth. He is allowing a friend to see Proverbs 17:17 in action and thus they will grant you a sneak peeking into their heart.

Now don't get me wrong, sometimes you will cry as you sit and wait. It can be disappointing to have to wait for what you thought God was going to do right away. It can be down right scary not knowing what is going to happen next. It can flat hurt when someone shuts you out. Let the tears fall. Don't you yourself build walls.

But don't let your waiting be in vain. Pray while you wait. Examine your ❤. Focus on Christ and Who He is.  Sing and worship the Lord.  Be still and listen for the Holy Spirit to speak to you. Bask in the love of the Father and trust that He is working all things together for good. 


"Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD." Psalm 27:14