Back to Bethel

About a month ago, I felt God calling me to go back to an Old Bethel, a place where the Lord had spoken to me many years ago. The Bible talks often about going back to your first love, when Christ and your faith in Him was fresh and exciting. My Old Bethel, it was at a place that I first heard God calling my name.

Twenty years ago....After all I had done against Him, after all the mess of doing things my way. The Lord came after me, loving me when I didn't even like who I was. The place is beautiful, remote, and peaceful; but that particular day I was there, I was a mess. Was I ever a mess! It was a windy March day with a sharp breeze that swished through the evergreens. Inside I felt like a whirlwind of emotions that circled around a hollow soul. My life outside of me was just as cluttered and empty. There was no one else around, but I heard my name on that wind. Seeing no one, I knew within me Who it was.  And He was calling for me.

Me - the one who had stuck my fist in His face. Me - the one who had a Christian name, but who was wallowing in sin. Me - the one who had chosen to go directly opposite of what I knew His Word told me to do. Me - the one who defiled His name and dragged it through the mud. He was calling for me?!

Like a majestic king reaching out to a dirty beggar girl, He didn't look at who I was, but who He saw me as. The fact that He sought me and called my name was overwhelming. I wasn't ready that day to fall into His arms. I wasn't ready to let Him clean me up. But I knew He loved me. I knew He cared for me. And He knew my name.

Over a year later, I finally surrendered. I humbly cried out to Him. The King of kings wrapped His arms around me. He adopted me! He took me as I was and washed the filth away. It is so sacred words struggle to define it.

Last month, I felt the Lord calling me again. To revisit my Old Bethel. Time to go back and visit where I first heard Him call my name. To remember. To praise. To ponder. To rekindle. To pour out my heart. To surrender once again.

I didn't feel Him speak to me. But I felt the Lord so close. I placed another book upon His shelf like I did many years ago.  I felt Him lessen a heavy burden. I was reminded of a promise in His precious Word. The chilly fall wind rushed around me causing my hair to whip me in the face. But within my soul, I felt His precious peace that passes all understanding.