Under the Knife

We often use that phrase when we are talking about someone having surgery. That is how I feel. The calm at the beginning of February rolled into grief waves. Then March brought growing pains, humbling trials, and faith projects. April started off with the joy of Christ's resurrection and the solemness of self-examination. 

Countless times I have stated "The LORD sees, He knows, and He cares." I have repeatedly shared how personal the LORD is. And HE continues to put His fingerprints on my life. 

Recently The Almighty has been doing spiritual heart surgery on me. Open heart surgery. His all-consuming fire exposing sin and smiting my heart. The fear of the LORD is a very real thing, not just a holy reverance for Who HE is. And all sin is serious business. His working is too personal to share & too sacred to put into mere words. But I want you to know, dear reader, the LORD delights in a repentant child that hopes in HIS mercy. 

I will say this, my heart feels raw. Like I just got out of ICU. There is an inner peace. A freedom from a weight. But I also feel vulnerable. The enemy attacks subtly. He then attacks boldly. I turn to God's Word using it as a shield to guard my mind as well as a weapon to make the enemy flee.  

But I don't feel victorious at all. Just weary and weak, in survival mode. And as always my Everlasting Father is faithful. He draws me close. He upholds me. He gives me rest. He is working at restoring my soul.

Sometime I hope to blog about a couple truths He shared with me. But it has taken me days just to share all this. For now, the focus is on resting in Him.