How I Feel Most Days

The Warrior is a Child

Lately I've been winning 
Battles left and right
But even winners can get 
Wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me

I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that 
I go running home when I fall down
They don't know Who picks me 
Up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat

But they don't see the enemies

That lay me at His feet

They don't know that I go 
Running home when I fall down
They don't know Who picks me 
Up when no one is around 
I drop my sword and cry for just a while 
'Cause deep inside this armor 
The warrior is a child

They don't know that I go 
Running home when I fall down
They don't know Who picks me 
Up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look up for a smile 
'Cause deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The Warrior is a Child

Songwriters: Twila Paris

The Warrior Is a Child lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Capitol Christian Music Group

God is Good

God's fingerprints were easily seen this week:

His tenderness & comfort as we had our 13th Father's Day with Jim in heaven. 

Help with homeschool fundraiser.

Answers to countless little prayers.

Fixed septic issue.

Fixed phone line issue.

Boys had several days of fellowship with godly friends.

I got some girl time.

Had some deep times in prayer

Dug deep in His Word & shown precious inspiring truths

Felt like a chosen vessel to give encouragement to a sister-in-Christ going through a hard time

Felt like an empowered warrior to kick the enemies teeth in and grab back some spoil. 

Encouraged by seeing hope in a sister-in-Christ's difficult situation. 

Felt His precious peace in my heart that passes all understanding even though my brain was stressed

His provision of free pizza

His provision of some sweet treats for my boys

Another great sermon on my favorite subject-prayer.

Discovered my boy has taken a good step in deepening his prayer life

Hearing good things about the boys from others, just more proof of God filling in where their dad is absent & where I fail. 

Safety for my son scaling trees & God revealing his crazy courage is what men in Acts 15:26 had.

Another son taking initiative to do a job without asking.

Unity of three boys building legos together singing old Roy Rogers' songs

His sweet grace enveloping me when I lost my peace within & the tears fell like rain.

The boys helping me come up with names that God is for every letter of the alphabet

Birds singing in the morning reminding me God has strength, mercy, joy, and grace new every day.

I am sure there are others. Been a long week with many things happening. 

No Peace

I stare at the hospital bed helplessly. The monitor is flatlined and the beep turns into a solid alarm. Medical personnel swarm around him like bees, clear to shock him with paddles, then swarm in again.

Tears pour down my cheeks and I scream his name as I collapse to my knees. If….I should have….if he would have….They unplug the monitor. The room becomes silent. Someone helps me up and whispers, “I am sorry.” I step closer and grip the bed rail.

I force myself to look into his face and there is no peace there. I turn and run in agony out of the room, as my heart is rattled to the core. He just entered hell...forever! My heart pounds in my chest as I flee away from him. Yet at the same time I want to throw myself on him and bring him back to life. To persuade him with truth, to believe on Christ. But it is too late.

My screams echo down the hall as I race to the waiting room. Friends and family look up at me with wide eyes. Then the thought is more than I can bear and I feel myself falling in darkness. My mind tells me I hit my head & am knocked out cold.

I wake up sobbing, safe in my own bed; my pillow is drenched in tears. My heart pounds in my chest. I am all alone with just the Lord to hold me. But the reality that my loved one is unsaved is no dream. And he is not alone. And the nightmare can easily come true about many I know.

I cry out to my God from the depths of my soul that He would give them eyes to see truth & repent and believe on Christ before it is too late. I pray and plead till my heart calms. Then exhaustion drags me back into a fitful slumber.

A Dozen Nuggets of Truth to My Heart

1. When we try to hang on to something, we lose it. Let go in Faith.
2. Many of God's people spent time in dark dungeons physically and/or emotionally.
3. We get put into the school of brokenness for a purpose.
4. God uses pain to help people in ways they cannot understand.
5. Sometimes God collapses your life.
6. He pours out what He filled up, like a gardener fills up a bucket to pour out to make things grow.
7. "And blessed is he, whosoever shall not be offended in Me." Matt.11:6
8. Accept this is God's lot for me & be okay with it. 
9. Words to me 12 yrs ago "I ❤ you more than you will ever understand & I said this is best."
10. Submission & Trust in God's ability & wisdom brings blessings.
11. God is perfect. 2 Samuel 22:31 "As for God, His way is perfect: the Word of the LORD is tried: He is a buckler to all them that trust in Him." Matt. 5:48b "...your Father which is in heaven is perfect."
12. Be ready! Look for Christ's return.