Unspeakable Joy

Our ladies group has been practicing "I Will Rise" by Chris Tomlin.

Recently the chorus has been "an anchor for my soul."

I just can't help, but sing it.

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

Easter of 2007 was a day of hope for me. It was a day when I really began to feel like the boys and I were going to be okay. A day I realized some day my husband's grave would be empty too. Ten years later, I can say we are better than okay. We are a living breathing miracle of God's healing power and grace.

My nephew got married recently. Years ago I used to love weddings. That all changed when Jim died. I avoided them like the plague. Some where unavoidable, like my sister-in-law's and I just wept through them. In time, I didn't weep the whole time through them, but the vows got me every time. "Til death do we part." Most couples are clueless about that statement, thinking of being old and grey. No one thinks of being 8 months pregnant with their third child. Tears, a punch to the gut, a grief wave, curling my toes to stop from weeping. This is how it usually went hearing the vows and "I do's"

With the great healing the Lord had done on my heart this past fall, I was wondering how this wedding was going to affect my heart. I was going to be running into memories and was more involved in this wedding than any previous one without Jim. Having worked through the most emotional six months of my year, this wedding was the last heart check. Am I really healed?

I can honestly say that I felt no twinge, no grief wave, no lump in the throat, no curling of my toes.

And my heart wanted to leap for joy! I can't even begin to describe the joy of being healed. The Lord promised it many years ago. This is how I longed to be healed for so long. And it has finally happened!  "No more sorrow, no more pain."

I am not naïve to think I will never feel pain or sorrow again. But in my heart where it concerns Jim, there is no more sorrow and no more pain. For pain that used to suck my breath away and make me feel like I was dying a slow excruciating death....to go from that level to "no more sorrow, no more pain" is a miracle. Like I said, I don't think I can describe it. I just know that God truly is my Healer.

I also feel that if the Lord has someone for me in the future, that I am healed now and will be able to give them all of me. Like the Lord on Resurrection morning, I feel alive again. And there is unspeakable joy where once was the darkest, most overwhelming pain imaginable.

Thank You, Jesus, my Healer and the Lover of my Soul.