Violet

Precious.

Beautiful.

Delicate. 

Gone too soon.

Once again I miss someone I haven't even met.

The familar ache hits & love bleeds out my eyes.

You made me a nana. 

The pain of losing you does not diminish the joy of the day I learned you were coming. 

The day the Redeemer reminded me that HE redeems even the saddest days.   

Even if it is 22 years later. 

Then came the text for prayer. And seeing missed phone calls. I called Snipp & fell to my knees when we feared you, lil Violet, were leaving. We prayed.

I wept as I felt the truth hit me. But I dared to deny it and hope. 

Another phone call. You were gone.....early flight to heaven. So many welcomed you. All who my heartaches for and many others. 

But back here, my heart shattered. Once again, I couldn't stop the pain from slicing into my son. And my daughter was attacked inwardly & outwardly. I felt so helpless. My nana heart grieved empty arms and my mama heart backflashed to blood and guilt and the loneliest grief.

I prayed. I breathed. I cried. I repeated these three over and over. I felt emotions rollercoaster and bumper car into others. 

I sought the Redeemer's face and held tight to His love: for this son and daughter, for my other sons, for me, for you,Violet...

I walked forward & fell to my knees. Yes, I will still praise, You, Lord.

Even when it hurts. And it hides Your plan. 

But that doesn't mean I don't cry. And that I don't long to hold you, Violet, my first grandchild. 

You are so loved. So very loved, Violet Everly. 

And missed.

The Suit Coat

 Snipp and Beauty had a wonderful and joyous wedding!

God was glorified. And the sacredness of matrimony was honored. 

These two jewels had done things God's Way and it was a huge blessing to be a part of it. 

I had proud mama tears for both of them. I love them so much. 

But other tears came full force at times. 

I know my beloved Jim is in Heaven and that is where he is suppose to be.

But that doesn't stop my heart from longing to reach for his hand as our son said his vows. 

Missing him standing by my side at the receiving line.

Or missing hearing his laughter and seeing his proud daddy smile as his son kissed his beloved. 

Jim's suit coat hung on the back of a chair in the memorial row. Some flowers and a picture of him and Snipp sat on the seat. Walking in and hanging it on the seat was the hardest thing I did on rehearsal day.

The hardest thing on the wedding day was removing that suit coat from that seat after everything was over. I tried not to sob. Tears I could control. But I didn't want to sob. I tried to hold my head high. The way he would have wanted me to. The way my sons would be proud of me. But as I neared my sister-in-law, the sobs escaped....she held me tight. I thought I might go down. Then she turned me to the car and with her arm around me, we finished the walk to the car. I carefully folded the suit coat and gently laid it on top of the picture of Snipp and his daddy. Another hug from my sister-in-law. Another from my cousin....so many people missing....Dad Scott, Jim, Nana, and several from Beauty's side. I hate death. 

On the way home, Snapp asked me about the suit coat. "It is the one your dad wore at our wedding," I told him. "Well, no wonder it got you," he said. It wasn't so much the suit coat as much as who it symbolized: the greatest man in the world who knew me through and through, but loved me deeply and completely anyway. My dearest and best friend who believed in me. Jim vowed to love me through anything and be faithful till death parted us. He kept his vow. I had the love of a life time with him. It was an amazingly deep level of love few couples reach. Feeling the overwhelming ache of his absence 15.5 years later at our son's wedding, I sobbed as if Jim had just been ripped freshly from my side...yeah, deep love does that to you. 

The pain is real and sharp and gut wrenching....but, oh, what a privilege to experience such sacred and precious love.  

A Mother's Life on Display

So Beauty told me of the most precious thing. 

Her mom let her take the pearls off of her own wedding dress to decorate Beauty's wedding gown. 

What a picture of a mama's sacrifice? 

We take what is special and sacred to us and trim it and give it to our children. 

We take what is beautiful in our lives and gladly give it up to make our children's lives beautiful. 

And now you all can now why Beauty is called Beauty. 

Her mama who I will call Self-Sacrifice poured into her daughter all that is beautiful in her life. 

Beauty couldn't help but be Beautiful with a mama like that. 

Snipp & Beauty

Once upon a time there was a little boy who loved tractors and who loved his dad. 

When the little boy cried the dad walked with him or rocked him and said, " It's okay. It's okay. Dad's gotcha.  Daddy's gotcha."

 Every day close to when his daddy would come home the little boy with anticipation would wait for the sound of the vehicle in the driveway. Then with delight in his eyes and a smile that reached deep to the depths of his soul, he would exclaim, "Daddy's home!" And his daddy would walk in the house and shout, "Dad's home!" and give his son hugs and the mom hugs too. Time marched on. The bond between the little boy and his daddy was strong. The little boy was his dad's buddy and the dad was the little boy's best friend. 

Then one awful winter day, the daddy didn't come home. He tried. But God had different plans. It was the daddy's appointed time to die. The little boy was heartbroken. His world shattered into billions of pieces. Grief and anger filled the little boy where joy had been. The days were long. The nights even longer. His mom tried her best, but she wasn't the daddy. 

Finally in time light came into the darkness. It didn't hurt to breathe or live without the daddy like it once had. In time the anger melted away. God the Father was parenting the boy now. God picked up each piece and used it to make a beautiful mosaic displaying His faithfulness and care. He taught the boy many things through His Word, through his church family, through extended family, and through many books. The boy grew to be a man. 

A man that loved God and let God be His God. Then the man began to notice things of beauty around him: sunlight on the chaff of grain making it look like glitter, rows of freshly cultivated soil, sunsets, and sunrises. 

Then he noticed the beauty in the eyes of a long time friend.  The sparkle in her eyes when she smiled captivated him. He was drawn to her beautiful soul that loved the Lord. So he sought counsel from the godly men the Father had put in his life. He began to court her. 

Then the reckoning came. He knew he had found the one whom his soul loved. One day he drove the young beauty to a sacred spot, the spot where the daddy had died. In that precious moment God's Word in Ecclesiastes 3:11 hung unspoken in the air. "He hath made every thing beautiful in His time." Later the man took the young beauty to the cemetery. There were no tears or talks. Just tending to the ground, giving it a spring raking. But they did it together. The man and the young beauty. No words again. But in the young man's heart he wanted her to be close to the daddy as if to say, " Daddy, this is the one." 

Snipp and Beauty are now engaged. And his mama smiles and cries because he once again has a look of delight in his eyes and a smile that goes deep into his soul. And he once again has a best friend. 

Lessons for Teenagers

 Tired of your parents getting on your case?

Want to be treated like an adult?

 Here is a quick way to make it happen.

 Act like an Adult.

 Seriously, you might be a teenager, but you can act like an adult.

Most adults will respect you more for it. And treat you as an adult. Most of the time. There are many ways to act like an adult. But I will just list 3 that first come to mind:

·    Be Responsible

·        Take Initiative

·        Discipline yourself

Be responsible. You forgot the towels in the washer and now they smell musty. Rewash them. Take responsibility for what you forgot and make it right. Pretty simple. Be responsible for what you do wrong or what you failed to do right.

Take initiative. In other words, do what needs done BEFORE being told. Your clothes are in a laundry basket and need to go to your room. Take them there BEFORE your mom has to tell you. The trick is to do what you know your parent would tell you to do, but do it BEFORE they tell you to.

Discipline yourself. This one is tough. But if you stay up too late and oversleep the next morning. Discipline yourself to go to sleep earlier. You failed a science test. Discipline yourself to study the next chapter better.

Teenagers dislike being told what to do and they dislike being disciplined. 

So 1.) do what should be done before being told to do it and 2.) discipline yourself so your authority doesn’t have to. 

You do these two things and then start being responsible, adults will treat you like an adult (most of the time) because you will be acting like an adult.

 

Lessons I Have Learned as Mom of Teenagers

Keep them talking.

Love them where they are at.

Pick your battles.

The Lord must increase.

I must decrease. 

Trust the Lord. 

Breathe. 

Morning Kisses

Years ago I wrote a post called Kisses From God . I encourage you to read it. Then return here. 

Kisses underneath a beautiful breathtaking star-filled sky are different than early morning kisses when hair is messy and dragon's breath escapes through dry lips. Early morning kisses are the I-really-do-love-all-of-you kisses. Over 15 years have passed, but not a birthday goes by that I don't remember being just barely conscience and being told Happy Birthday and feeling my Jim's lips on my face. It made me feel so cherished. So known inside and out. And still loved. Flaws and failures known. And still treated like a treasure. 

This week as I pitter-pattered down the hallway to make sure Snipp was waking up for work, I caught a glimpse of a beautiful sunrise. I stopped and stared. It was breathtaking. Pink and orange and just mesmerizing. And within my soul I felt like I had been kissed on the cheek by God. I just stood there for several moments not wanting to break the tenderness of the moment.  I felt so loved, deeply loved, cherished, treasured. It was unexpected and made me smile. After I checked on Snipp, and started breakfast, I slipped outside to take another look. All the colors had faded away. The sky looked like it was going to be completely cloudy and dreary all day. 

I stepped back inside and smiled. How personal is God to you? And when I say God, I am meaning the God of the Bible. The Almighty One who made heaven and earth. The One Who Is Love Who sent His Son to die for you. For me. This God is so personal. 

The next morning I hit snooze. Half awake and with anticipation I pitter pattered down the hallway again. I caught the very end of a much less dazzling sunrise, but it was still pretty. Still a reminder of how personal God is. I am human and will surely sleep past sunrise sometime soon. For now though, I am enjoying these early morning moments, just my Creator and me.

The words to the song I'm Amazed echo in my mind.

Words & music by Cary Schmidt & Steve Amerson 

©2001 Steve Amerson Music & Cary Schmidt (BMI) 

In God’s heart there’s space 

That I was made to fill 

I find amazing grace 

When I’m found within His will 

He’s reserved a sacred place 

Where we can spend the day 

He is waiting there for me 

Inviting me to stay 

And every day I’m amazed 

That God would spend the day with me 

I’m overwhelmed by His ways 

That He could feel such love for me 

To Him I’m worth saving 

And my heart is craving

To know Him in His righteousness 

And understand His ways 

Everyday, in every way 

I’m amazed 

In my heart there’s space 

That only God can fill 

He covers my disgrace 

With the blood that Jesus spilled 

And He invites me to a place 

Where we can spend the day

He is waiting there for me 

Inviting me to stay

Darkness

Continuing on my study of the word "walk" in my Bible, I read this verse in Ephesians 5:8 For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light. 

Not that we walked in darkness, though we did. But we were sometimes darkness.

It sits heavy on the heart, but it is true. Everyone of us has been darkness to someone in this world. Maybe it was harsh words spoken, or a mean joke. Ignoring them or gossiping about them. We might have bullied others or attacked someone in writing. We have too often done the devil's dirty work for him. Stolen joy. Killed hope. Destroyed someone's faith.  In our selfishness, in our greed, in our jealousy, in our pride, in our sinfulness .......we have been darkness. 

But I am so thankful the verse doesn't stop there. "...but now are ye light in the Lord" Amen! The Lord didn't leave us as darkness. He made a way for us to be light. When we put our trust in Him, we become light in Him. And like a candle in the darkness we can bring hope to others. 

Lastly, the verse admonishes us to "...walk as children of light." Not just be light. But walk as children of the light. Walking requires action. There are many ways to describe walking . But in particular we are to walk as children, as children of the light. Children of God. 

Observe  how children walk.  Do they ever simply walk? Not usually. They hop or skip. Run or stomp. Children are very expressive in their walk. As children of the light, we need to be expressive. People in this world of darkness should see Christians as different. Their walk should be different. We should be recognized as a Christian by our walk.  

Children who have a good relationship with their parents enjoy being with them. They trust their parents. And when they cross busy streets or crowded areas with danger, they draw close to them. When they are in places of peace and joy, they may run to and fro, but they return to the parents to tell and show them their discoveries. And so should it be with us, as children of the light. We need to draw close with our Father. 

My closing thought is of a children's song. Many of you know it. "Hide it under a bushel, NO! I'm gonna let it shine." Don't be a closet Christian. Our world has much darkness. We used to be a part of that darkness. Upon salvation we became light. We are no longer a part of that darkness. Shine for Christ! Let your love for Christ bring hope and light to others. 

Crucified

 I continue to do my study on the word "walk". I have finally gotten into the New Testament. I was reading in Galatians Chapter 6 today. Verse 16 talked about "as many as walk according to this rule". Well, context is everything, so I went back and read the early verses in the chapter. 

One verse leaped off the page and grabbed my heart. The Holy Spirit does that! It is almost like my chin is gently, but firmly grabbed by the Great Teacher and my head is turned towards a specific verse. My glasses are instantly clean and my eyes clearly see the verse for the first time. My mind soaks up the words and lets them settle in my heart. 

Galatians 6:14

But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world. 

But God forbid

That I should glory,

Save in the cross

of our Lord Jesus Christ,

by Whom 

the World is crucified unto me,

and I unto the world. 

Each phrase echoes in my soul like I am in a big cathedral with a vaulted ceiling alone, speaking the words out loud. I can't yet find the words to express just the power of this verse within me. My mind flashes to dozen upon dozens of stories of martyrs and faithful Christians that I have read or heard about, those since the time of Stephen to a modern day teenager named Jeremiah, the Faithful . 

God forbid...that I ..... should glory, save in the cross....of our Lord Jesus Christ, ... by Whom the World is crucified UNTO me... and I unto the world...

Rachel Scott

Aquilla and Pricilla

my pastor

Perpetua

my brother-in-Christ Ty

Titus

my homeschool mentor Kim

Paul

my dad

John the Apostle

Thomas Hawkes

Through the ages this verse echoes........................................

My pastor tells the story of two soldiers in a trench during war. One is calm. One is shaking with fear. The one who is terrified is afraid to die. The one who is calm died to himself already.

I think the Christians of Paul's day understood becoming a Christian means persecution and death. They didn't expect to escape their persecutors. They understood, like many converts in Muslim countries know, a relationship with Christ is a death sentence in this world they know. They expected to die for what they believed. And they lived boldly because of it. They were dead to the world. The world was dead to them. 

And so it should be with me. 

So it must be with me.

And with you too. 

Walk: A Word Study Part 1

So it has been a busy and emotional few months. 

This blog shows that with its silence. But the LORD is always at work, even in the silence.

 Last week my dad had heart surgery. Two stents put in. It was just 2 days before the anniversary of the death of my beloved Jim. 15 yrs he has been in heaven and I have been parenting solo. Amazing! That in itself is a testimony to the great tender care and faithfulness of God Almighty. But when you meet my mighty young men. The touch of the Father is evident in their lives. 

And all those ancient lies of the enemy continue to melt away. And my heart feels free. And healed. Even when I miss my beloved and tears fall. When memories of that sorrowful winter night grasp my heart, I still feel held safe by my LORD. 

Back to the day of my dad's surgery.

As I read my Bible in the early hours of the morning a couple phrases in 2 John stood out to me:

"...walking in truth..."

"...love one another..."

"...walk after His commandments..."

I determined in my heart, not to let fear grip my heart about my dad's surgery. I was going to walk in truth and love those around me. Surgery went well. And a blizzard had my mom and I get lots of girl time at the restaurant and hotel. 

A few days later I was reading in Ephesians 5. 

"...walk in love..."

"...walk as children of light."

My mind jumped to a verse I have memorized: 2 Cor. 5:7

"For we walk by faith, not by sight."

So I am embarking on a word study about how we should WALK according to God's Word. We are instructed to walk IN certain things, and avoid walking in other. We need to walk AFTER certain things and walk WITH certain things and AS certain things. It might be hovering around zero degrees outside, but we can work on our spiritual walk as we wait for spring to come to do some brisk walking outside. I encourage you to grab a concordance or use an online resource and seek for yourself what God says about how we should WALK. 

Verse for the Year?

 Proverbs 1:33

But whoso hearkeneth unto Me 

shall dwell safely, 

and shall be quiet 

from fear of evil.

Time and time again I have come back to this verse 

since the beginning of the year: 2021. It is a good one.

Hearken. Unto Who? The LORD.

Benefits? Dwell in safety. It surrounds you. 

Peace. Calmness within. Quietness within. 

Fears flee. Evil can not steal the joy of the LORD.