Not because He is evil or has sinned against us. God cannot sin. But the Great I Am is ultimately in charge of everything. He allows trials and hard times. And in our pain, we can become blinded to Who God really is. And the enemy is very subtle on tricking us to believe God is the enemy. Something was taken away from us or we were denied something we desired. Then we get angry and bitter against God.
The enemy has this formula down to a science: wait for a God-ordained trial to come, blur the person's perception of God, help them interpret the situation, nurture unforgiveness to spring up, and the person is then an open target for vehement attack.
We mistakenly think forgiveness is about others when it is really about ourselves. Jim Logan, in his book Reclaiming Surrendered Ground says the following about forgiveness:
- We will never forgive from our heart until we get in touch with the pain in our heart.
- True forgiveness requires opening up and taking a good, honest look at what has been done no matter how much it hurts.
- Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Forgiveness is something we do.
- Forgiveness is God's way of healing the deep hurts in our lives and bringing glory to God.
Early in my Christian walk, I had to forgive God for the miscarriage of my first baby. Losing my baby really shook my faith. The pain was intense and it all seemed so unfair. The Lord opens the womb. He allowed that baby to be conceived, and yet He also allowed that baby to die. Living with empty arms was hard, very hard. Babies and baby stuff seemed to surround me. For awhile I held on to my pain and was really upset with God. Then the night came that Jim said, "I don't know what to do with you." As he walked out of the room, I realized that my unforgiveness towards God was affecting my relationship with my husband. And I knew I couldn't go to bed till God and I got this settled. It took hours, but finally I forgave God and accepted God decision. He had allowed it. And I had to live with it. Yet He would help me. No longer was I shaking my fist at Him. He could take my hand and walk with me through the pain to guide me to a place of healing.
Similar, yet different is living with the consequences of the death of my husband. This is extremely broad and deep, it would take a book to describe it all. But it is definitely continual. Not a day goes by that I don't deal with something that touches it. Raising boys, finances, house repairs, future decisions, homeschooling, vehicle issues, a son turning 18, and so much more. Accepting this life as God's plan and that it is best isn't easy. But I tremble to think were I would be, where my boys would be today if I had stayed angry at God. Forgiving God made it possible for all of us to heal.
Now those are two big issues, but there are countless other things that we get frustrated about on a smaller scale. And all that frustration is really anger at God in disguise. Because everything ultimately crossed His desk. He limited it, and yet allowed it. For my good and His glory. But in the moment, my inner brat can't see how a sick kid, or car problems, or a fall out with a friend is good. It doesn't feel good. It hurts. And it seems down right unfair.
But...
... shall not the Judge of all the earth do right? (Gen. 18:25b) His Word tells us He is good and doeth good. (Ps. 119:68) That all things work together for good to them that love God. (Rom. 8:28) And His Word promises He will make everything beautiful in His time. (Ecclesiastes 3:10a)
In the middle of pain and disappointment, one strong cord of truth is known: God loves me. Loves me more in one second than everyone could in a life time. I don't always like His decisions. But I know He loves me. I need to forgive Him for the times He takes away who and what I love. I need to forgive Him when He doesn't give me what I desire or think I need. And it is so needful to forgive & accept the consequences. Whatever they might be. He has grace for whatever it is. I need to trust that, in His love, He has my best interest in mind.
Now with forgiveness comes a sweet peace that passes all understanding. It is an abundant peace that reminds me Christ will never be taken away from me and He is truly all I need.
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