Denial

As I have been looking through pictures in preparation for my oldest son's grad party, I have come across many bittersweet images. One in particular caught my eye. 

There was two little boys standing by a wooden cross. The older of the two is tracing the letters of his father's name. Resting against the base of the cross is sign that reads "My Honey, Our Daddy." This sign was an important step for us. For weeks after Jim's death Snipp stopped using the word, Daddy. He refered to his dad as "Jim" or simply used pronouns "he" and "him". This really began to bother me. Finally I asked Snipp why he was referring to his dad by his name. His smart 5 year old answer was that that is what everyone else called him. True, but I explained Jim was his daddy which is special and that is why Snipp had always called him Daddy before. Then with a deep sadness he whispered, "I wish it was someone else's daddy that died." Oh, how my mama's heart broke for my son. 

I shared with Snipp how it was hard for me that it was my honey who was gone too. But how we need to not pretend, and how we were going to do a project. We made a sign. "My Honey, Our Daddy". It was a reality sign. We didn't like it, but the denial needed to stop so we could heal. 

It was a long walk to the cemetery with Snipp slowly pulling the sign in his wagon. But the boys and I arrived and we placed it at the bottom of the cross. 

It was a solemn time. I then told Snipp that Jim would always be his daddy and I expected him to refer to him as such from now on. And Snipp did. 

Oh, it could have been so much easier to stay in denial and allow my son not use the word Daddy to try to escape the pain. But healing needed to begin. Grief needed worked through. And it is so honoring to our loved ones when we say their name or call them what they were to us. 

I share all this to encourage you do a check, dear reader. Are you using only pronouns? It might seem like a simple thing, but make yourself say their name. It can be difficult, but it is one small way to honor your loved one and it also leads to babysteps of healing.