Why BB4TheLord2

Why BB4TheLord2: My first blog, bb4thelord.blogspot.com was began a couple years after I became a young widow. After ten years on that journey of widowhood, I took a break from blogging. Now the time has come to begin again. Writing is a gift God has given me and I must get back into using the gifts God has given me.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Thanksgiving Chair

I posted this same post on our old blog.

It brings about our healing full circle. Almost 3 years ago, I verbally thanked the Lord for taking Jim. This Thanksgiving as we spent some time in silent prayer, the Lord was working on Snurr's heart in ways I didn't know. We each took time sitting in the Thanksgiving chair. When we were done, Snurr lingered behind.

"Do you know why it took me so long? I thanked God for taking Daddy. It was a hard thing to do."

Oh, the preciousness of those words to me, I can't describe. But I feel lile Snurr just slammed a door in the enemy's face and has opened himself up to the Lord in a way he hadn't before.

My mind went back to the night that the Lord told me to verbally thank Him outloud. I fought it...for two weeks. Then finally obeyed. And I realize my obedience was more than just for my healing. I paved the way for my youngest son. He needed to hear me say it as much as I needed to say it. And when he was ready he followed that example.

Obey the Lord, even when it is hard. Even when it hurts. You never know whose little eyes are watching or ears are listening. You have no idea how God will use your example in another's life.

Our Great Provider

Several pounds of chicken.

Quarts of corn.

Boxes of cereal.

50 lbs. of ground venison.

Two large sacks of potatoes.

Over the last several weeks, the Lord prompted the heart of different families at different times to give these things to us.

As usual, I am overwhelmed by the Lord's tender care of us.
He is our Great Provider.
And He never ceases to amaze me how He does it.

Thank You, Lord. And may the boys always remember how You have tenderly cared for us through the years.

Back to Bethel

About a month ago, I felt God calling me to go back to an Old Bethel, a place where the Lord had spoken to me many years ago. The Bible talks often about going back to your first love, when Christ and your faith in Him was fresh and exciting. My Old Bethel, it was at a place that I first heard God calling my name.

Twenty years ago....After all I had done against Him, after all the mess of doing things my way. The Lord came after me, loving me when I didn't even like who I was. The place is beautiful, remote, and peaceful; but that particular day I was there, I was a mess. Was I ever a mess! It was a windy March day with a sharp breeze that swished through the evergreens. Inside I felt like a whirlwind of emotions that circled around a hollow soul. My life outside of me was just as cluttered and empty. There was no one else around, but I heard my name on that wind. Seeing no one, I knew within me Who it was.  And He was calling for me.

Me - the one who had stuck my fist in His face. Me - the one who had a Christian name, but who was wallowing in sin. Me - the one who had chosen to go directly opposite of what I knew His Word told me to do. Me - the one who defiled His name and dragged it through the mud. He was calling for me?!

Like a majestic king reaching out to a dirty beggar girl, He didn't look at who I was, but who He saw me as. The fact that He sought me and called my name was overwhelming. I wasn't ready that day to fall into His arms. I wasn't ready to let Him clean me up. But I knew He loved me. I knew He cared for me. And He knew my name.

Over a year later, I finally surrendered. I humbly cried out to Him. The King of kings wrapped His arms around me. He adopted me! He took me as I was and washed the filth away. It is so sacred words struggle to define it.

Last month, I felt the Lord calling me again. To revisit my Old Bethel. Time to go back and visit where I first heard Him call my name. To remember. To praise. To ponder. To rekindle. To pour out my heart. To surrender once again.

I didn't feel Him speak to me. But I felt the Lord so close. I placed another book upon His shelf like I did many years ago.  I felt Him lessen a heavy burden. I was reminded of a promise in His precious Word. The chilly fall wind rushed around me causing my hair to whip me in the face. But within my soul, I felt His precious peace that passes all understanding.



Friday, November 3, 2017

Weeping

My stomach is queasy as a new sailor and my eyes fill with tears of rage.
I vent to God my anguish and the grief for a child I have never known takes me to a dark hole within.

God, how could this happen....while a small town goes about their business of life that a infant sits in a prison pendulum being rocked to his death?  The stench of drugs looms in the air and his little sister drifts into the room and out again. But the little fellow doesn't perk up when humans enter. He has long ago learned they are indifferent to his cries. So he suffers in silence. Alone.

Only the Lord spoke words of comfort to him.
Only the Lord welcomed him home.
Only the Lord knew for days of his passing.

But the Lord is just.
The Lord will only let hidden things remain so for so long.
Soon the authorities arrive and neighbors stand appalled.
Town folk are stunned. Outraged. Grief stricken.
The world seems vile and hideous.
Parents become monsters.
And monsters are hated.

And where does all the hatred get us?
Nowhere, for the earth is full of it and is spinning into a pit of hell.

The ogres who parented this precious little one are locked up.
And yet we are all ogres.
We are all vile and sinful.
Some of us display it more fiercely than others.

How is a neglected baby that dies called murdered,
But an aborted baby is called a woman's choice?

4 months out of the womb or 4 months in.
Does it matter in the eyes of God?

The Lord's eyes see it all.
I am appalled how drugs blinded these people from caring for a precious creation of God.
I am equally appalled that women across America think they have a right to murder their children within them and not think it is equal to human sacrifices of old.

I want to vomit. I am sick with the sins of my nation. Its indifference to do gross sin in front of a holy and just God, and then whine about a God they don't believe in when He allows suffering through natural disasters and tragedies.  I want to shake people out of their pleasure seeking slumber as much as out of drug induced one.

ISIS, crazy psychopaths shooting at crowds, ran over bicyclists, fires, hurricanes, floods, and the list goes on and on and on and on. What will our grandchildren say to us when they look back?
What did you do to stop the destruction, the self-destruction of the greatest nation on earth,
a nation that championed for human rights to freedom?

2 Chronicles 7:14 "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."

The answer comes back to the LORD. We must turn to the LORD. Where is He everyone asks.
Where He has always been. He is a gentleman. Waiting for us to respond to His Word. Waiting for us to realize our filthiness and to cry out to him. Waiting for us to realize He is God alone. And we deserve punishment. We deserve hell. He made a way of escape. He provided deliverance, but we shake our fist at Him and demand our rights to do things our way. He has every right to squash our whiney ungrateful lumps of clay that we are.

Woe to him who strives with his maker.
Woe to him that calls evil good and good evil
Woe to him....
Woe to us, America, for not running back to Him when we see we strayed.

Like Josiah of old, we must rip our garments and weep.
We must gather together and harken to the Words of God again.
Destruction probably will still come. But at least then we would be ready
to face the living God.

We have blood on our hands and are like the harlot wiping her mouth.
We are so defiled.
So much monsters as anyone else.

We all need forgiveness, for we are all murders and ogres.
We all deserve to die a slow painful death.
We deserve torment.
We deserve hell fire.

I am sick, just sick with the vile sin of this world....
That makes me see myself as I really am.

A sinner. No better and no different than anyone else on the planet.

Only Jesus covered me with His blood when I cried out to Him.
And the Father sees them no more. I fall on my knees in praise.

Yet I weep.

I weep and weep for all the children that never got to breath. I weep for the curse their mothers are ensnared in. I weep for neglected children who never know love till the Lord holds them in heaven. And I weep for our nation that has forgotten the LORD is a righteous and just God.

Psalm 9:17 "The wicked shall be turned into hell, and all the nations that forget God."





Thursday, November 2, 2017

Silent Victims

Sterling Daniel Koehn....from Iowa to the UK, his horrifying story has been heard. There are other silent victims. On paper, I dump out the words rattling around within me. They are raw, sharp, and covered in tears. They may never be posted here.  But I found a well written article that echoes my heart's cry 100%.

Read on:

One Child's Death Mourned, Another Celebrated



Sunday, October 29, 2017

Holding With an Open Hand

The longer I walk with Christ Jesus, the more I am learning to hold everything in an open hand.


I have been trying to focus daily on releasing my will. My son found a sun catcher that says “Let go & Let God.”
Perfect! We hung it in the kitchen window so I can look at it when I do dishes. Let… “I will work and who shall let it?” the LORD said in Isaiah 43:13b

A reminder to hold everything in an open hand.
Everything:
health,
finances,
home,
land,
rights,
expectations,
modern conveniences,
possessions,
children,
loved ones,
life……

Job understood this when he said “the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD” (Job 1:21b). The LORD first taught me this when I miscarried my first child. Since then I have had many repeat lessons through the years.

The Lord reminded me again recently I am His. And He is free to do whatever He wants with His creation and with His child. He loves me more than anyone else I know. And He has the best plan in mind.

I must rest upon Him. Fall back and trust Him. Let Him lead when I cannot see.

To hold everything, even what is most precious to me, in an open hand,
knowing He wants to guard and protect it even more than I do

Saturday, October 28, 2017

Heavy Prayer Mantle

Like the widow Anna in the New Testament (Luke 2:36-38), God commissioned me many years ago to serve Him with fastings and prayers. It has been the most exhausting and rewarding part of being a Child of God.


I have borne many burdens of prayer as an intercessor. I know the joy of victory and sorrow of defeat. I know the heavy attack that knocks me to my knees and causes me to feel the shadow of satan on my face. I know the time and sacrifices it costs me and my boys. I know the reward of seeing prayers answered and captives being set free. I also know the battle scars it leaves and the wake of destruction that can occur when the enemy wins a round. Sometimes the prayer mantle can seem so heavy....

And I am human....
The Lord called and commissioned me to war on behalf of someone recently; week after week this heavy burden was upon me.  It still is. But one morning I tried to run from it and was swiftly admonished. Desertion is not an option.

My king commanded I do this till He says to stop. So it's not about how I feel. It is about duty, it is about obedience, it is about loving others like my LORD loves me, unconditionally, in a steadfast manner.  Like He did when He bore the heaviness and pain of the cross for me. I own Him this, I owe Him everything...

My mind replays other heavy burdens and the victories of people who responded to God working in their lives.  I stand in awe of the miracles He has done. And then my heart skips a beat and tears come as I recall those who didn't heed the LORD and the destruction that came to their household and sent ripples to all those around them.



I tremble when God gives me the real heavy burdens. Pain is inevitable. But to be idle is unthinkable. The love of Christ compels intercession and sacrifice.

So I take to heart the encouragement of a fellow warrior, don the heavy prayer mantle again, gather up my gear, and step out once again to be an armorbear for someone who is clueless to how God has caused me to war on their behalf.

I focus on the face of my Saviour and await His smile. I remember His promises. And think of the day He will wrap me in His embrace and I can lay down my gear and just rejoice continually in His presence.