I today I sent it in a letter to a couple who suffered a miscarriage.
And once again my acquaintance grief popped in to say hello.
My mama heart goes back many years to when I lost Benjie.
I read a quote today that once again brought tears to my eyes.
"Jesus, I wanted to hold my child in my arms and tell him about You. Will you please hold him in your arms and tell him about me?"
Jesus uses time as a great tool in healing. But I am thankful that He keeps my heart soft with tears. That I can go back and feel the loss of a precious little one so that I can pray with understanding for a couple going through a tough time.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
We had a wonderful Mother's Day yesterday. The boys decided to give me two precious gifts:
- an uninterrupted nap
- to not argue with each other all day
They accomplished both. I love my children and the young men they are becoming.
Yet I remember a distant Mother's Day being pregnant and at the same time grieving a child I never got to know. I remember a Mother's Day holding a fussy infant and at the same time dealing with ornery preschoolers, when all I wanted to do was be able to hear the sermon uninterrupted. I remember days with tears and fears as a young widow with little ones looking to me to be an anchor through the storm. But again those tears kept my heart soft to other mama's juggling little ones, alone. I think of all the times I have run to the Lord in tears because there was no husband here to turn to. Tears.
I was talking with a young girl yesterday and we spoke of tears. She tries so hard to bury her hurt inside and not vocalize it to others. And I reminded her God gave her a voice to vocalize in a right way her feelings, her pain. But He also gave us tears. Tears are our pressure-release valve. I know that when I squelch them and stuff them into a back closet, my heart gets hard. They usually come rushing out in a flood of anger later, hurting those around me. Holding them in can be destructive.
"Tears are like rain. They loosen up the soil of our heart." I read that years ago. And it is a great truth.
So as the tears came to my eyes and the familiar lump swelled in my throat today, I choose to thank God for tears. I know He has collected them in a bottle and has used them to keep my heart soft. To keep me tenderhearted. Towards Him and towards others.