I Am

This last week there was a lot of heavy prayer burdens for others & then one afternoon there was a lot of contention in my home. I walked down to the creek, had a hard cry, and a long talk with the Lord. 

At one point, I had a little pity party. I told the Lord "I pray for so many people, Lord, who is praying for me?"

"I am." I felt Christ reply. 

Humbled, I headed back to the house.

The next evening I got an email from a friend. I had been on her heart since the previous day and she was praying for me.

See, dear readers, why I say often that the Lord sees, He knows, and He cares. The Lord is so personal. Just His answer of "I am" was enough.

But He delights in being abundant. So He lays me on someone's heart who He knew would pray. And then prompts her to send me an email to let me know so. 

Yes, the Lord is so very personal. His fingerprints are all over every area of my life. 

*Later four more people shared how they have been praying for me. 

Kick His Teeth In

"Prayer is war!" someone once said. How true! How true.

Psalm 144:1 says Blessed be the LORD my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight..

I often think that when I go to pray that doing so is to kick the enemy's teeth in. I read a verse in Job recently that basically confirms this.

Job 29:17 says And I brake the jaws of the wicked, and plucked the spoil out of his teeth.

Now that is a warrior's verse!We face many enemies, but we must remember that the Lord says we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against spiritual wickedness.

Like a wicked wolf with a child in its jaws, the enemy seeks to steal, kill, and destroy. And it is our duty to kick his teeth in to rescue that child. And what spoil is in the enemy's teeth today?  It may be your good name or an unborn infant's life. It may be the soul of a stranger or the health of a loved one. It may be the heart of your teenager or the self-worth of a child. Maybe it is peace of mind or your trust in the Lord. The enemy seeks to snatch it and clenches his teeth tightly to try to stop you for getting it back.

Luke 11:21-22 reminds us When a strong man armed keepeth his palace, his goods are in peace: but when a stronger than he shall come upon him, and overcome him, he taketh from him all his armour wherein he trusted, and divideth his spoils.

1 John 4:4 tells us Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.

Ah, too often we think of the Holy Spirit as only a Teacher, Comforter, and Spirit of Truth, but He is also a valiant Warrior Who is mightier than any foe! And we must remember our position in Christ. We believers are in Christ and Christ is in us. Got that? We are sandwiched between Christ! See why the enemy must deceive us to have power over us?

Yes, we lose battles some times. Some times it seems like we are constantly losing battles and seeing warriors fall or falling ourselves. But what matters is who wins the war and we know how this story ends. We know the final chapter.

Romans 16:20 And the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.

Now go kick the enemy's teeth in!

Eerie Calm

I recently wrote a friend,

"I feel an eerie calm. For 10 yrs this time of year has had dark clouds and stormy emotions and pain. Last year I was healed but anxious and fearful the pain would pounce on me again. This year I feel ....calm. At peace. God's Words to me on my first birthday without Jim come to me 'And I love you more than you'll ever understand. And I said this is best.' And I look to the future & smile cuz I believe Ecc. 3:11a is true, He will make everything beautiful in His time."

 

I woke up an hour late on Jim's birthday and we rushed out the door to get to church on time. What a crazy way to start the day! In church, we sang the hymn "Dwelling in Beulah Land" written by Charles Miles. Lord Jesus, You know we sang that at Jim's funeral. And You know how special the second and third verse are to me. It was like Jim was singing them. I sang along with gusto and a smile.

V2  Let the stormy breezes blow, their cry cannot alarm me; I am safely sheltered here, protected by God’s hand; Here the sun is always shining, here there’s naught can harm me; I am safe forever in Beulah Land. V3  Viewing here the works of God, I sink in contemplation; Hearing now His blessed voice, I see the way He planned; Dwelling in the Spirit, here I learn of full salvation; Gladly I will tarry in Beulah Land. Chorus I’m living on the mountain, underneath a cloudless sky, Praise God! I’m drinking at the fountain that never shall run dry; Oh, yes! I’m feasting on the manna from a bountiful supply, For I am dwelling in Beulah Land Our ladies group sang "I Will Rise" by Chris Tomlin. This song means a lot to me. Yes, Jesus has overcome and the grave is overwhelmed. The victory is won. He is risen from the dead! Our group sang it twice with a lot of heart. During the sermon Pastor said, "We believe that life is the dash between the dates on a tombstone, but life is Christ." I smile. Our memory verse in World Religions this unit was John 14:6 "And Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by Me." On the way home, "Amazing Grace" was on the radio. And I smiled. Jim sang that hymn as a lullaby. I remember him rocking his son to  sleep singing those words. But I also smiled because the Lord has held me like a child and comforted me in His arms with the same lullaby. That afternoon I made our traditional cake. For several years now, we have just purchased a store bought one. But this year it was time to make one at home again. My mind reminisced about other birthdays when Jim was here and I make him his favorite angel food cake. I thought about his last birthday with us. Weather not fit for man nor beast. Surprising him with flannel shirts. After praying with the boys, Jim going out to finish working on the van so we could go see family the next day. Him coming in that night with icicles on his beard. That next day worshipping with family. Eating at Godfather's Pizza. Talks on the way home of church family  and his desires for our family. I think of what the Lord has done in the past 12 years in my spiritual life as well as the boys'. And I smile. I also recall how he firmly told me I would not have words with an individual like I wanted to. I was to be silent and pray. I smile. I hear his words in my own voice these days when I admonish my son who has a tongue like his mother.   I won't deny Grief came knocking the night before Jim's birthday. But the Lord said, "Come here." And like a little girl, I once again climbed up into His lap, rested my head on His chest and felt His arms surround me as the tears fell and grace enveloped me. I can just see Jim smiling at my healing and looking ahead to my future and smile too. God Almighty rules in the affairs of men. I know Him and can trust Him. He has great plans for me. Though He may allow pain or destruction, I know it is all out of His love for me. He knows what I need and He promised to make everything beautiful in His time.   Sure, Grief will always have the freedom to pop in for a visit. But he has gotten smaller and weaker, and his stays are shorter and farther apart. I know tears will sometimes fall like spring showers, but I am healed.  Healed in a way I never thought possible. It is bewildering, and also a great relief. The Lord is the Great Healer and time is one of His powerful tools. So is surrender.   So I look back and remember. And smile. I look ahead into the unknown. And smile. And there is an eerie calm in my soul.

Make Room for Jesus!

Like my preacher said recently, "Make room for Jesus in the clutter of your life." Keep your eyes on Him during this Christmas season.

It will keep you focused on what is most important as the world clamors and tries to make us feel compelled to shop and give and serve for all the wrong reasons.

Take time to pause.
To pray.
To worship.
To praise.
To acknowledge the Lord.
To seek Him and His strength.
To rejoice.
To delight yourself in Him.
To encourage yourself in Him.
To draw near to Christ.
To listen for His voice.
To step out in faith.
To look up to heaven and say, "I believe."

Thanksgiving Chair

I posted this same post on our old blog.

It brings about our healing full circle. Almost 3 years ago, I verbally thanked the Lord for taking Jim. This Thanksgiving as we spent some time in silent prayer, the Lord was working on Snurr's heart in ways I didn't know. We each took time sitting in the Thanksgiving chair. When we were done, Snurr lingered behind.

"Do you know why it took me so long? I thanked God for taking Daddy. It was a hard thing to do."

Oh, the preciousness of those words to me, I can't describe. But I feel lile Snurr just slammed a door in the enemy's face and has opened himself up to the Lord in a way he hadn't before.

My mind went back to the night that the Lord told me to verbally thank Him outloud. I fought it...for two weeks. Then finally obeyed. And I realize my obedience was more than just for my healing. I paved the way for my youngest son. He needed to hear me say it as much as I needed to say it. And when he was ready he followed that example.

Obey the Lord, even when it is hard. Even when it hurts. You never know whose little eyes are watching or ears are listening. You have no idea how God will use your example in another's life.

Our Great Provider

Several pounds of chicken.

Quarts of corn.

Boxes of cereal.

50 lbs. of ground venison.

Two large sacks of potatoes.

Over the last several weeks, the Lord prompted the heart of different families at different times to give these things to us.

As usual, I am overwhelmed by the Lord's tender care of us.
He is our Great Provider.
And He never ceases to amaze me how He does it.

Thank You, Lord. And may the boys always remember how You have tenderly cared for us through the years.

Back to Bethel

About a month ago, I felt God calling me to go back to an Old Bethel, a place where the Lord had spoken to me many years ago. The Bible talks often about going back to your first love, when Christ and your faith in Him was fresh and exciting. My Old Bethel, it was at a place that I first heard God calling my name.

Twenty years ago....After all I had done against Him, after all the mess of doing things my way. The Lord came after me, loving me when I didn't even like who I was. The place is beautiful, remote, and peaceful; but that particular day I was there, I was a mess. Was I ever a mess! It was a windy March day with a sharp breeze that swished through the evergreens. Inside I felt like a whirlwind of emotions that circled around a hollow soul. My life outside of me was just as cluttered and empty. There was no one else around, but I heard my name on that wind. Seeing no one, I knew within me Who it was.  And He was calling for me.

Me - the one who had stuck my fist in His face. Me - the one who had a Christian name, but who was wallowing in sin. Me - the one who had chosen to go directly opposite of what I knew His Word told me to do. Me - the one who defiled His name and dragged it through the mud. He was calling for me?!

Like a majestic king reaching out to a dirty beggar girl, He didn't look at who I was, but who He saw me as. The fact that He sought me and called my name was overwhelming. I wasn't ready that day to fall into His arms. I wasn't ready to let Him clean me up. But I knew He loved me. I knew He cared for me. And He knew my name.

Over a year later, I finally surrendered. I humbly cried out to Him. The King of kings wrapped His arms around me. He adopted me! He took me as I was and washed the filth away. It is so sacred words struggle to define it.

Last month, I felt the Lord calling me again. To revisit my Old Bethel. Time to go back and visit where I first heard Him call my name. To remember. To praise. To ponder. To rekindle. To pour out my heart. To surrender once again.

I didn't feel Him speak to me. But I felt the Lord so close. I placed another book upon His shelf like I did many years ago.  I felt Him lessen a heavy burden. I was reminded of a promise in His precious Word. The chilly fall wind rushed around me causing my hair to whip me in the face. But within my soul, I felt His precious peace that passes all understanding.