I love to release a balloon into the air. It is just therapeutic for me. I like to watch it be released and float away free. I enjoy staying and watching till it disappears out of sight.
I was given several balloons on my birthday by a good friend and I took them to my retreat with me. They nicely decorated the room, but I also had another plan. Some of them needed to be released.
On the first day of my retreat, I took a solitary balloon. In my mind, I attached a label: My Will.
I released it into the wild wind. It whirled around chaotically and rose into the sky. I watched it for a long time. Thinking about how I was going to attempt to practice the same surrender to God.
On my last day of my retreat, I took three balloon that were tied together and released them as well. These ones symbolized my three children. They sailed up and away differently for the three were tied together, like I hope my sons will always be in life.
It has been over a month since then and, my oh my! What a month!
I returned from my retreat ill. It took me lots of sleep and several days to recuperate. Then a financial issue occurred. After that craziness, home owner issues. Throw in one son starting driver's ed, another one in softball, and cousins visiting. Sometimes the days felt like a whirlwind and the nights were much too short. More recent, I was in the ER waiting room for my brother. Then just two days later, I brought in my own son with a broken arm. A teenager I have mentored for the past five years, will soon be moving two states away. And another one looks like she'll be moving out of town also. None of this was my will.
In all of this I can see, though, God's will being so wise and needed. I didn't enjoy being sick, but the Lord showed me somethings while I was "made to lie down". I didn't like my brother being in the ER, but it has been brought us closer. And though watching my son have his arm manipulated back in place was difficult, surgery was avoided. And his skateboard crash could have been so much worse. In all this, the Lord surrounded me with support and needed prayers from friends and family.
Some days were so hard to look up to God and say, "Ok, not my will, but Thy will." Instead I would say, "This is hard, this hurts, this is miserable, this is so against everything within me." Then once again, I had to release my will. I must fall backwards on God's love without knowing the outcome. His love has been such a constant in my life. A strong cord in the midst of a hurricane of emotions. I know He loves me and His will is always best for me and those I love.