God is Good

God's fingerprints were easily seen this week:

His tenderness & comfort as we had our 13th Father's Day with Jim in heaven. 

Help with homeschool fundraiser.

Answers to countless little prayers.

Fixed septic issue.

Fixed phone line issue.

Boys had several days of fellowship with godly friends.

I got some girl time.

Had some deep times in prayer

Dug deep in His Word & shown precious inspiring truths

Felt like a chosen vessel to give encouragement to a sister-in-Christ going through a hard time

Felt like an empowered warrior to kick the enemies teeth in and grab back some spoil. 

Encouraged by seeing hope in a sister-in-Christ's difficult situation. 

Felt His precious peace in my heart that passes all understanding even though my brain was stressed

His provision of free pizza

His provision of some sweet treats for my boys

Another great sermon on my favorite subject-prayer.

Discovered my boy has taken a good step in deepening his prayer life

Hearing good things about the boys from others, just more proof of God filling in where their dad is absent & where I fail. 

Safety for my son scaling trees & God revealing his crazy courage is what men in Acts 15:26 had.

Another son taking initiative to do a job without asking.

Unity of three boys building legos together singing old Roy Rogers' songs

His sweet grace enveloping me when I lost my peace within & the tears fell like rain.

The boys helping me come up with names that God is for every letter of the alphabet

Birds singing in the morning reminding me God has strength, mercy, joy, and grace new every day.

I am sure there are others. Been a long week with many things happening. 

No Peace

I stare at the hospital bed helplessly. The monitor is flatlined and the beep turns into a solid alarm. Medical personnel swarm around him like bees, clear to shock him with paddles, then swarm in again.

Tears pour down my cheeks and I scream his name as I collapse to my knees. If….I should have….if he would have….They unplug the monitor. The room becomes silent. Someone helps me up and whispers, “I am sorry.” I step closer and grip the bed rail.

I force myself to look into his face and there is no peace there. I turn and run in agony out of the room, as my heart is rattled to the core. He just entered hell...forever! My heart pounds in my chest as I flee away from him. Yet at the same time I want to throw myself on him and bring him back to life. To persuade him with truth, to believe on Christ. But it is too late.

My screams echo down the hall as I race to the waiting room. Friends and family look up at me with wide eyes. Then the thought is more than I can bear and I feel myself falling in darkness. My mind tells me I hit my head & am knocked out cold.

I wake up sobbing, safe in my own bed; my pillow is drenched in tears. My heart pounds in my chest. I am all alone with just the Lord to hold me. But the reality that my loved one is unsaved is no dream. And he is not alone. And the nightmare can easily come true about many I know.

I cry out to my God from the depths of my soul that He would give them eyes to see truth & repent and believe on Christ before it is too late. I pray and plead till my heart calms. Then exhaustion drags me back into a fitful slumber.

A Dozen Nuggets of Truth to My Heart

1. When we try to hang on to something, we lose it. Let go in Faith.
2. Many of God's people spent time in dark dungeons physically and/or emotionally.
3. We get put into the school of brokenness for a purpose.
4. God uses pain to help people in ways they cannot understand.
5. Sometimes God collapses your life.
6. He pours out what He filled up, like a gardener fills up a bucket to pour out to make things grow.
7. "And blessed is he, whosoever shall not be offended in Me." Matt.11:6
8. Accept this is God's lot for me & be okay with it. 
9. Words to me 12 yrs ago "I ❤ you more than you will ever understand & I said this is best."
10. Submission & Trust in God's ability & wisdom brings blessings.
11. God is perfect. 2 Samuel 22:31 "As for God, His way is perfect: the Word of the LORD is tried: He is a buckler to all them that trust in Him." Matt. 5:48b "...your Father which is in heaven is perfect."
12. Be ready! Look for Christ's return. 

One Anothers

I recently did a study on many of the "one anothers" in the New Testament. Here is a summary:

• Love one another. John 13:34-35

• Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another. Romans 12:10

• Be of the same mind one towards another. Romans 12:16a

• Receive ye one another. Romans 15:7

• Serve one another. Galatians 5:13

• Don't provoke or envy one another. Galatians 5:26

• With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love. Ephesians 4:2

• Put away lying, speak truth to one another. Eph 4:25

• Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another. Eph 4:32

• Teaching and admonishing one another. Colossians 3:16

• Increase and abound in love towards another. 1 Thess 3:12-13

• Comfort one another with God's Words. I Thess 4:18

• Edify one another. 1 Thess 5:11

• Exhort one another. Heb 3:13

• Speak not evil one of another. James 4:11

• Grudge not against one another. James 5:9

• Confess your faults one to another and pray one for another. James 5:16

• See that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently. 1 Peter 1:22

• Be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous. 1 Peter 3:8

• Use hospitality one to another without grudging. 1 Peter 4:9

• Have fellowship one with another. 1 John 1:7

• Love one another. 1 John 4:11-12

"By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." John 13:35

What would happen in America if all Christians truly loved one another and harkened unto these "one anothers"? Will it start with you?

Love God

You may have heard it said, "The best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother." There is a lot of truth to that. 

Yet recently my preacher said the best thing a man can do for his family is to love the Lord. Then the Lord gives that person the ability to love others with His love. This is a more powerful truth!

Tonight at prayer meeting, we prayed for God to give us a genuine love for Him. My mind instantly thought of the words on top of Jim's memorial stone "Love Christ More Deeply". And also the two engraved hands clenched in prayer. And familar tears came as memories flooded my mind: Jim on his knees pouring out his heart to God & taking us with him to the throne. I mean it would feel like we were surrounded by the presence of God and lifted up to heaven. When Jim was done, he'd rise up, telling the boys good night. Then as he walked through the doorway, he'd turn and say, "I love you, but I love God more." And down the hallway he'd walk. Then I would make the boys settle down to sleep.

Precious memories! "I love you, but I love God more." And his footsteps down the hall. One could even call it a foreshadowing. Jim wrapping us up in prayer and reminding us of the importance of loving God most, then leaving. The boys and I staying behind. 

Yes, Jim's love for God made all the difference. Not just in our lives with him. But our lives here without him. I see the influence of his love for God in my sons' lives, even my youngest son who was born after his daddy was in heaven. The prayers of his daddy's heart are immortal and the legacy of Jim's love for God lives on.

Love God.

Love Him more deeply.

It makes all the difference. 

Trusting on the Backside

I have longed to go visit my old Bethel for the last several weeks. Monday I was finally able to. Actually, a situation compelled me to. So I took the short drive alone and walked down the familiar bike trail. It was a gorgeous spring day! But my body was battling sickness and my soul was weary. 

As I sat on the bench, many things tumbled out of my heart in prayer. Then it was time to listen in expectation. Only two things were impressed upon my heart:

"Trust Me on the backside."

Trusting Jesus now about Him taking care of something later, years later.

It is one thing to stay grasping Jesus' hand as you step into an unknown adventure. It is another kind of trust when you are on the backside of the desert deep in the trenches of that adventure! 

For example, Moses' faith in God as he stood before Pharoah and their showdown began was much different than when he was on the backside of the wilderness trying to lead hungry, thirsty, whiney people. 

Or the widow in Zarephath. Trusting God to provide for her and her son's daily food at the beginning of the 3 year famine was different than when Elijah asked her to use the last of it for the prophet and then make a meal for her and her son.  

I heard the news of two young families forever changed by tragedy. Two new young widows each with a couple young children. I have no idea if they are believers. I have been praying for them & their little ones with understanding and tears of remembrance. It has been 12 years. I am on the backside of one season of life and yet face another.

As the boys get older and we are heading toward the backside of their time at home, I feel my faith in God about the future being molded differently. For 147 months, the Lord has provided for our needs. He will continue to be faithful even when how He provides changes. He has helped me carry the weight of two on the shoulders of one. I have turned to many for counsel, but the ultimate decisions have rested on me. The weigh of some of them are indescribable! I know more will come. But through it all, the Lord gave me strength step by step. I feel like another mountain lies before us and the Lord says, "Trust Me on the backside."

The other whisper to my soul was "What are you believing Me for today?" Good question. 

I stood then and turned my face into the sunshine and breeze.  "I am believing You are going before me in this situation. That you have enough strength for me to make it through this day. That You are at work in all I cannot see. That You will give me the answer I need. That is what I am believing You for today."

Then I headed back down the trail to deal with what needed dealt with. One step at a time, holding my Heavenly Father's hand. 

Rebuilding VI: Armorbearer

As I read through the life of David this week, a word caught my eye. Armorbearer. David not only played his harp for Saul before he did his well-known defeat of Goliath, but it says in I Samuel 16 that David became King Saul’s armorbearer.

And then in the next chapter we read Saul goes to fight the enemy. David's three eldest brothers go with him. But David goes back home to tend the sheep. Before he is gotten to play the harp for Saul, David's reputation is that he is a mighty valiant man, and a man of war. So why not keep him as an armorbearer, Saul? His age? His stature? And how did David feel? Samuel had anointed him. He got called to play for the king. He became his armorbearer. War comes and David is dismissed. Set aside.

I identify with David. I studied last year about being an armorbearer. And even posted on it. I said it then and will restated it here: “Intercessory prayer is the privilege to be another person's armorbearer.” Being a prayer warrior has been the backbone of my Christian life. Ever since I first heard the word as a young Christian, I remember thinking, "yes, I want to be a prayer warrior, Lord." And He has grown me into this act of service. Rarely do I not have people on my heart and have some kind of list I am pray through.

Then came this month. And I felt so worked over I could hardly pray for myself and the boys, let alone others. “Speak, Lord!” was my simple plea as I sought Him and waited. No other words poured out for others. I felt like the prayer mantle had been taken from me. Like I had been dismissed from being an armorbearer.  Ugh!

You ever feel like God put you on a shelf? It is a most wretched feeling. I know that the Lord loves me and He is doing a work of restoration in me. That He needed to clean me up, strengthen me, and settle me on somethings. I get that. But I so identify with David being humbly dismissed as an armorbearer and going out alone in the field waiting for God to speak.

Thankfully, gradually the Lord burdened my heart to pray for someone. Then another. And another. Slowly I felt being taken off the shelf. I finally was able to pray aloud at prayer meeting last week. And tonight I made my first prayer list in weeks.

What a privilege to pray over that list of others I am burdened for! I am not at full strength yet. I know it. My list is half the size it usually is. But I feel like the walls of my Jerusalem are almost all rebuilt and though the enemy attacks, I am stronger and not so vulnerable. And I am back at my post donning my privileged prayer mantle. Thank You, Christ Jesus!